Blog

Looking For Peace

by Mershon Niesner

What we focus on expands. The more were complain, the worse things get. It’s a universal law. OprahWinfrey

Remember the last time you considered buying a red sedan and everywhere you looked there were red sedans? The same is true of negative thinking, negative social media, negative cable news…more, more, more and the worse things seem to us.

Even in our personal lives, the more we focus on the negative and complain, the worse things seem to get. My step mother, Sylvia, used to say, “This too shall pass.” And sure enough it did/does. Yesterday some friends and I were remembering Hurricane Irma and how it brought out the best in so many people…the compassion, the caring. It renewed in us the sense that the world is mostly filled with good, caring people who want to take care of their friends, neighbors, and even total strangers. Focusing on the positive brought each one of us a sense of peace and hope for the world.

Affirmation: I choose the positive.

Coaching questions: What outside sources are feeding you? What have you done lately that shows your compassion to another? On what are you focusing?

You Did What?

by Mershon Niesner

Confrontation is a healthy avenue for you to stand up for yourself and your beliefs–to be heard and not silenced by inaction or fear. From The Chopra Center newsletter, article by Melissa Eisler

I will admit it… confrontation is my Achille”s heel. I’m discovering that my childhood fear of abandonment which I have brought forward with me is the root of my difficulty with confrontation. The little girl inside of me thinks, “If I confront this person about what is making me angry, they will retaliate by emotionally abandoning me or, worse, leaving me altogether.” The irony is, if one doesn’t confront, resentment builds and physical or emotional leaving takes place because there was NO confrontation. So…my logical conclusion is, as difficult and scary as it may feel, constructive confrontation is worth it.

Being mindful of your beliefs, clearly communicating where you stand, and speaking with objectivity rather than letting your emotions drive your responses is a start.

Affirmation: I am able to confront when necessary.

Coaching questions: What keeps you from confronting? What is it costing you not to confront? What steps can you take to confront in a meaningful and mindful way?

It’s Just One Day

by Mershon Niesner

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. Melody Beattie, Author of self-help books on codependent relationships.

Mother’s Day can be difficult for many women, not just those of us who have lost our mothers, but women who are estranged from their mothers, have no children but wish they did, those who have lost a child, or those who are away from their family.

For me, gratitude helps me cope. I’m grateful for the friendly smile, brown eyes and sunny personality I got from my mom, I’m grateful for my three wonderful children and three step kids, eight grands, 11 step grands, and 2-1/2 step greats. What a bountiful life I have! And even though it’s a day for mothers, I am especially grateful for my dad who partnered with me to create a joyful childhood and beyond.

For those who started moaning in misery last week about the approach of Mother’s Day, I’m sad. After all, it is just one day.

Affirmation: I’m grateful.

Coaching questions: What helps you feel grateful on a difficult day? What difference can you make in someone else’s day today?

The Choice Is Yours

by Mershon Niesner

You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either, take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate. It belongs to YOU. Josh Shipp, Youth motivational speaker, author

Yesterday I helped put together a taco bar lunch for about 20 women. The lunch was a big hit but one of the best parts was all the talking and laughter that took place while we chowed down our tacos. A friend at my table, who recently lost her husband, showed me her phone with the above quote on it. She said, “This quote is posted on my refrigerator!” I sent it to myself in order to share it with you, my Blogger Buddies.

With Mother’s Day on the horizon, this quote seems especially valuable. Two of the motherless daughters I interviewed replied the same way to the question, “what advice would you give others?” They both said, “You have to learn to play the hand your dealt.” Exactly!

Affirmation: I chose to get better. (I will make tacos this week)

Coaching question: What will help you move towards getting better…not bitter?

PS…I apologize for photos not showing up in my blog lately. They were perfect until published then poof! I’m on a mission to find out what happened.

Hat Day

by Mershon Niesner

Hats make people feel good and that’s the point of them. Philip Treacy, an Irish milliner and designer based in London (born on my daughter Katie’s birthday, May 26).

Once a year in May, Newcomers Club of Marco Island, has Hat Day, a day when we all wear hats to the meeting. Newcomers is a monthly women’s group that I enjoy because it gives me a chance to dress up, meet new people, eat a lovely lunch, and listen to a program in a beautiful setting.

I especially relish Hat Day as I’m one of those rare birds who actually likes hats. Also, I think wearing a hat not only brings out the glamorous side of a woman, for me it also brings out the little girl.

As a youngster, I played a lot of dress up. I had a WWII footlocker of my dad’s that was full of cast-off ladies’ dresses, high heels, gloves, and hats. When my friends and I dressed up and “played house” with our dolls, the dads were always away at war…we were children of the 40s and 50s. I have many fond memories of role playing a mother, wife, and lovely lady wearing a hat.

Affirmation: My little girl inside is alive and well.

Coaching questions: What brings out the little girl in you? Why is it important for her to “come out and play” from time to time?

Mindfulness

by Mershon Niesner

Mindfulness: a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the preset moment. Coach T, http://coachT.blog

I’ve met some interesting people in “Blog-ville”…fellow bloggers. One is Coach T who blogs about mindfulness (he’s cute too). After reading his introductory post, I took a walk around a park district lake. I usually hurry past the many signs on benches and trees. But the mindfulness reminder got me to slow down, read and take photos of the inscriptions. I was moved by the love expressed by those who had lost daughters, sons, parents, friends. Sweet messages like, “My son Nick, the most precious part of my life, you will live in any heart forever. I cherish our memories and love you very much. Your Mom.” Next to a yellow flowering tabebuia tree, “Jennie Carlton Bowles, 1904-199. Her positive outlook affected all who knew her.” On a bench plaque, “Dear Lord, Thank you for looking over Anthony on August 7, 2011. Love, The Giarrusso Family.” So many stories, so much love.

This one is my favorite:IMG_2210

 

Affirmation: I am mindful.

Coaching question: What might you discover if you practice mindfulness?

Recovery

by Mershon Niesner

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. Chinese proverb

As I walked our neighborhood here on Marco Island, Florida this morning, I noticed that there is still hurricane recovery going on everywhere. If you’re one of my international friends, on September 10, 2017, Irma, a category 3 hurricane, made landfall on our island. Although the general clean up was completed months ago, many, many roofs are still under repair, tree stumps are dotting yards, fans, lighting, siding, pool cages are still being replaced…and on and on. This is eight months after the storm. Fortunately, at our house, we are 98 percent restored with just fence repairs, some window finishing and painting to be complete but it has been a long haul.

The message that came to me this morning…recovery takes time and things might not be exactly as they were before the storm. It seems to me that this is true in life as well. After a “life storm”, recovery takes time, it may be in stages, new “trees” must be planted, and life will not be the same. It takes perseverance and resilience to weather the storms of life.

Affirmation: I am resilient and persistent.

Coaching questions: How are you doing with your recovery? What has helped you be persistent and resilient in your life’s journey? What can you do better?

Mom and Me

by Mershon Niesner

Life began with waking up and loving my mother’s face. George Eliot, pen name for Mary Anne Evans, English novelist, poet, leading writer of the Victorian era.

Sadness usually comes upon motherless daughters as Mother’s Day approaches. The day has always been a little sad for me too…even after all these years. These days, I’m doubly sad because I don’t get to spend time with my children or grandchildren on Mother’s Day.

However, one thing I’ve learned is that when I focus on what my mother meant to my life in the short time she was with me and how fortunate I was to have a wonderful father, my heart becomes lighter. When it’s less about what I lost and more about what I gained…yes, gained…by losing a mother at an early age my heart is lighter.

When I was growing up, our church had a Mother/Daughter Banquet. An elderly lady, Mrs. Pierce, always invited me to attend with her. What a loving thing to do. This week, I will remember her too.

The photo is my mom and me taken on vacation a few years before she died, circa 1950.

Affirmation: I am because we were.

Coaching question: What will help you feel less sad this week? How can you help a motherless daughter have a better day?

IMG_1479 (1)

 

 

Generosity

by Mershon Niesner

When you throw your bread out on the waters of life, it comes back buttered. Rev. Stanley Weems, my Presbyterian Pastor 47 years ago

The above quote is one of my very favorites. I believe it 100 percent. Which is to say, I think that when you are generous without expecting anything in return, good things frequently come back to you. Not only that, I believe that generous people are happier people. However, once when I told an overwhelmed friend of mine who was a very giving person, she responded, “Just be careful it doesn’t come back jammed as well.”

Archbishop Tutu in The Book of Joy says, “I’ve sometimes joked and said God doesn’t know very much math, because when you give to others, it should be that you are subtracting from yourself. But in this incredible kind of way…I’ve found that to be the case many times…you gave and it then seems like in fact you are making space for more to be given to you.”

Affirmation: I am generous.

Coaching question: In what ways can you become more generous? What difference might it make in your life?

Remembering Those Who Don’t

by Mershon Niesner

She would grab whatever she could – a look, a whisper, a moan – to salvage from perishing, to preserve. But time is most unforgiving of fire, and she couldn’t, in the end, save it all. Khaled Hosseini, author, A Thousand Splendid Suns

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, every 65 seconds someone in the United States develops Alzheimer’s. Between 2000 and 2015 deaths from heart disease have decreased 11 percent while deaths from Alzheimer’s disease have increased 123 percent.

For daughters who are losing their mothers to this disease, these are not only numbers…to them, it is their life! They know how to help their mother through upsetting changes and situations. Perhaps you don’t –  so here are four tips:

Approach the person calmly from the front using positive statements.

Reassure the person by touching their hand or shoulder.

Don’t argue with the person or try to correct them. Affirm their experience and redirect their attention.

Respond to their emotions rather than to the content of their words.

Alzheimer’s 24/7 Helpline is 800-272-3900.

Affirmation: I care about others.

Coaching question: What can you do to help fight this deadly epidemic? (spread the word, donate, volunteer)