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“Stay in your seat come times of trouble. Its only people who jump off the roller coaster who get hurt.” Paul Harvey

It’s Palm Sunday, the day Jesus was hailed a hero as he entered Jerusalem. But, as a Christian, during this week I will also remember his persecution, death, mourning of his followers, sightings, all culminating in a joyous resurrection celebration next Sunday. Talk about a roller coaster ride!

Life’s like that for us too…not as dramatic or memorable but a roller coaster ride never the less. Perhaps you have had the life changing low of a stroke, mother loss, husband loss, divorce, child loss, the emotional devastation of war. As Paul Harvey says, stay in your seat, ride it out and envision a resurrection of sorts at the end.

Affirmation: I’m strong. I can ride out the storms of my life.

Coaching questions: What is “holding you in your seat?” What’s your vision at the end of the ride?

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” Helen Keller

One of my “companion” books…those books we refer to over and over…is How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz with Jean Owen. Mildred and Bernard were married and were both practicing psychoanalysts and psychologists. This book was written in 1971. When I was going through my divorce nearly 30 years ago, I literally carried this book around with me in my purse. It was a dark time for “being my own best friend.”

One of the tidbits of profound information in this tiny book is about suffering and how we often continue to suffer emotionally because there is a hidden payoff which is the familiarity, security and comfort in the old familiar ways of living and feeling. But, just as we can step out of our comfort zone in other realms of our life, stepping away from suffering is also possible whether it is through therapy, journaling, prayer, or physical activity…to name a few.

If you are still suffering over the loss of your mother after many years, ask yourself if this is what she would want for you. Ask yourself if this is the best way to honor her memory. Ask yourself what the payoff is for you to remain in this suffering mode.

Affirmation: I am free.

Coaching question: What will you do to move away from suffering? How will your life look without it?

“My research shows that writing 20 minutes a day for four consecutive days about a traumatic event in your life has measurable health benefits that last for days, weeks, even months.” James W. Pennebaker, social psychologist , University of Texas, Austin

I’m definitely a talker but I’ve always been a writer as well. Years ago I wrote poetry, I’ve written a book (I’m currently writing a book), I earned a living writing newsletters, brochures, scripts. For my well-being, I’ve written daily gratitude journals, prayer journals, affirmations. I’ve never written for the purpose of healing specifically, but I don’t doubt Pennebaker’s research.

When I turned 50 and had a Croning Ceremony, my therapist, Barbra McCoy Getz, had me write a letter to my mother who had been dead 42 years at the time. It was a healing opportunity that definitely helped me get in touch with some deep-seated feelings.

Affirmation: My writing heals me.

Coaching questions: If you believe this research to be true, what will you write about? What difference to you expect it will make?

“Knowing how to die well makes it possible to live well.” Mark Helprin, author

It’s Book Club at my house this morning and we are going to discuss Mark Helprin’s book, Paris In the Present Tense, an interesting story of a 74 year old man set in Paris with WWII flashbacks. Helprin, in an interview with Open Letters Monthly, says his novel is about, among other themes, “dying well.”

I believe in the concept of dying well. Although my late husband, Keith, was only 53, he had one of those easy deaths we all hope for…a major heart attack while working out at the gyn that literally killed him before he hit the floor. However, there were no conscious “dying well” decisions in his experience since he had no choices to make. Dying well reminds me of the guy who knew he was dying and started taking donuts to school kids just for the joy of it…his and theirs. Or the grandma whose grandson took her on a tour of the U.S. knowing she was terminal.

Affirmation:  Today I will live life to the fullest.

Coaching question: What is your “dying well” story? How do you see your own death?

“I wanted to send you something special but how in the world do you send a HUG?”

This is a precious little cross stitched card I have on my bulletin board above my desk. My best friend, Nanc, sent it to me right after the hurricane when she knew I really needed a hug. She lives in Illinois…I live in Florida. We all need hugs, touches, pats…physical contact. Babies die without it. Nanc has the best hugs of anyone I know!

I didn’t come from a “huggie” family. My dad and I said, “I love you” every night but there wasn’t much physical affection between us. Right after my mother died, we went to California to visit my Aunt Lucy who had many Italian and Portuguese friends. One lovely Italian family with several daughters came running towards me with arms open when they first saw me…this little motherless girl. I was horrified! This was definitely out of my comfort zone. I endured and learned that not all families were like mine. Now…so many years later, I appreciate that outpouring of love for a stranger.

Affirmation: I deserve love and affection.

Coaching question: Think about your last hug. How did it feel? How do you respond to affection?

 

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” Abraham Lincoln

Like President Lincoln, I enjoy both tea and coffee although, I’m a very recent convert to coffee. First thing in the morning I love lemon green tea then, before exercise, it’s iced coffee, followed by iced The Republic of Tea Ginger Peach with lemon during the afternoon. Treating myself to good tea is worth it. I enjoy it while it nourishes my body with needed fluids.

One of the few memories I have of my mother was the summer neighborhood coffee klatches she and I used to attend. Neighbor ladies would congregate about ten in the morning, kids in tow, to have a cup of coffee, enjoy each other’s companionship while taking a break from housework. What a lovely, lost tradition. It’s a precious memory for me of ladies sitting in someone’s backyard on their lawn chairs chatting away. Sometimes I “took care of” the younger kids. Of course, I was eight or younger but I thought I was “older” and pulled red wagons and tossed balls.

Affirmation: I am mindful of everything that goes into my body. I eat carefully, slowly, with reverence for the food and for myself.

Coaching question: What’s a precious memory you want to savor today while you are enjoying your coffee or tea?

 

“Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.” Victor Hugo

The “getting to know you” question for our Girl Talk God Talk group today was “what brings you joy”? Of course many, many things bring me joy but the first thing that came to mind was music. One of the things I do in the morning is turn on music to get my day going, our beautiful 30 person church choir adds so much to worship, even the elderly gentleman playing the guitar and harmonica (at the same time) at the pancake breakfast was a joy. One of my fondest memories is enjoying the Chicago Symphony live.

Music seems to “soak into” our psyches and has the power to change our mood and our thoughts. How many remember the words to songs from your teenage years but can’t remember what you had for breakfast? The power of music. Bring it into your life. Let it soothe you, excite you, sing to your soul.

Affirmation: I am worthy of experiencing joy everyday.

Coaching question: What bring you joy?

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. Marcel Proust

I’ve had my eye out for one of Marco Island’s famous gopher tortoises. I want my guests to experience our bountiful island nature and so far they have seen various birds, our precious burrowing owls, and dolphins but no tortoise. Then, last night as we were returning at twilight from a Mexican dinner on St Patrick’s Day (weird, I know), there was a gopher tortoise in the middle of the street right in front of our house.  They were delighted…and so was I.

Sometimes what we are looking for pops up when we least expect it. Perhaps you’re looking for joy, peace, relief from a broken heart. Don’t give up. Expect the unexpected. Hold out hope and you too may experience the unexpected.

Affirmation: I deserve to have joy and peace in my life.

Coaching question: What are you looking for? What would bring you joy if it popped up in your life?

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Vivian Greene

This morning my friends and I are headed to the Goodland Annual Pancake Breakfast. Goodland is a  fishing village on Marco Island. Hurricane Irma devastated this small town and many are still in recovery. Two of my best friends live there so I was visiting soon after the hurricane and I felt as though I had entered a war zone just after a bombing. My friend Beverly’s clothes drier was found a couple of blocks from her house with a dead fish inside, the trailer across the street from her was a pile of rubble, and a home to the right had lost it’s entire upper floor…not just the roof, the whole floor. Never the less, on this beautiful March morning, almost six months to the day of the hurricane, these resilient villagers are hosting a pancake breakfast.

Have you been tossed and turned by the storms of life? Has a devastating wind blown through your heart? Take a cue from the good folks of Goodland…throw yourself a pancake breakfast, or a pizza party, or a shopping spree, go out and dance in the rain.

Affirmation: I can overcome the storms of life and not only survive, but thrive.

Coaching question: What “clean-up” do I need to do to make the landscape of my soul beautiful again?

“Just living is not enough…one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” Hans Christian Andersen

Because of the time change, I woke up this morning to a glorious orange sunrise over Barfield Bay….without even taking my head off my pillow. What a way to experience God in nature first thing! And that’s not all. Yesterday as I took my visiting friends down our little path to the water, a dolphin swam by greeting my nature-loving friend, Laurie, on her birthday. Then we went on an airboat ride through the Everglades. My “Nature Bucket” is filled!

If you are experiencing sadness, grief, or feeling just a tad sorry for yourself today, get outside. If you’re in the Midwest, perhaps you’re seeing the crocus peek out. Even if the day isn’t beautiful you’ll feel better having experienced a bit of nature.

Affirmation: Nature is a gift. It brings me joy.

Coaching question: What is your favorite thing in nature? What aspect of nature brings you closer to God?