Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

No Shame In Listening To Books

August 6, 2019August 6, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

You don’t have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them. Ray Bradbury, American author

Years ago, when audio books first came out, I listened to books as much as I read them. I lived in the country and had plenty of time driving on country roads with no traffic to safely enjoy listening to a book in the car. One of my book club members scoffed at the idea saying I hadn’t actually “read” the book we were reviewing because I had “listened” to it.

Fortunately, attitudes are changing and audio books are increasing in popularity. I agree with Niki Porter, Senior Editor of The Writer magazine, who writes, “There should be zero shame about listening to a book for pleasure versus reading one on paper. Stories bring people together. Never disparage how people consume them.” Read a book on paper, a screen, or with your ears. It doesn’t matter. Just read!

Affirmation: Reading enriches my life.

Coaching questions/request: What’s your favorite medium for reading? If you’re not reading, what’s keeping you away? If you’re not a paper/electronic book reader, try an audio book. Choose one that is professionally recorded. Samples are often free.

Looking For the Motivation To Do Something Big?

August 3, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. Dr. Seuss

Researching, writing, publishing, and marketing a book is hard work. I’m sure some people are wondering why a seventy-four-year-old, retired grandma wants to tackle something so demanding. I recently found a quote that answers this question. “If your ‘why’ is powerful enough, your ‘how’ will be easy!”

As I meet motherless daughters and participate in motherless daughter groups, my “why” is evident. I want to give these grieving daughters tools to help them move forward and live life to the fullest even though they have experienced trauma in their lives. I want to assure them that they are not alone and give them examples of other daughters who have experienced a similar life story and not only survived but thrived. I care “a whole awful lot.”

Affirmation: I have discovered the “why.”

Coaching question/request: Is there something you’re yearning to do but are hesitating because you think it is too big or too scary? If the answer is yes, find the “why” in what you want to do. Then, just do it!

The photo is of two beautiful women (sisters by adoption) I interviewed for my book. They shared their amazing mother loss story in order to help others to “never give up!”

I Hope You Miss Me–Just a Little

July 18, 2019July 17, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Wherever you go, go with all your heart. Confucius

I won’t be bogging for the next three weeks. My husband and I are taking a cruise from London to Iceland. Although I’ll have WiFi on the ship (join me on Facebook to see photos), I’m taking a break from “work” and leaving my laptop at home.

I’m going to give my full attention to the sea breezes, sunsets, fabulous food, new acquaintances, unique experiences, and beautiful places like Saint Malo, Dublin, Belfast, St Mary Isles of Scilly, and Reykjavik. I’m going with all my heart and giving the experience my full attention.

I hope you miss me—even if it’s just a little.

P.S. This photo is from a past Alaskan cruise. I took a helicopter to a glacier, the dogs’ summer training ground, in order to dog sled. Two of the dogs on my team had run in the Iditarod. One of my favorite life experiences.

Keeping Our Brains Young

July 17, 2019July 17, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Aerobic exercise can change the brain’s anatomy, physiology and function. Wendy Suzuki, PhD, author of Healthy Brain, Happy Life.

Perhaps you think exercise is all about your body—building muscles, conditioning your heart, circulatory systems, etc. You’re right, of course, but exercise is also about your brain. Exercise, along with fresh food, adequate sleep, and socialization, helps keep your brain healthy. “What virtually no one recognizes,” warns John Rately, MD, associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, “is that inactivity is killing our brains.”

Scientists believe that physical activity stresses our brains similarly to how it works our muscles. Neurons break down, then recover, becoming stronger and more resilient. The good news is that exercise keeps our brains young. Rately adds, “Everything we’ve learned continues to confirm that exercise helps prevent cognitive decline as we age.” Exercise makes our brain stronger and protects it from a variety of diseases including dementia. If this doesn’t motivate us to exercise, what will?

Affirmation: I exercise regularly.

Coaching questions: How much do you value your physical and mental health? What steps will you take this week to honor this value?

Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash

Learn to Manage Your Energy

July 15, 2019July 15, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Life is long and if you play it right, you can do most of the fun things you always wanted. You just need to have patience and manage your energy so you can ENJOY the things you do. Darius Foroux, The Medium

There was a day when I concentrated on managing my time but I’ve learned that it’s more important to manage my energy. I still write to do lists and check my calendar but I’ve learned to view my schedule with an eye to managing my energy rather than figuring out how many activities I can squeeze into a day.

As a person who has always needed quiet time and plenty of sleep, it hasn’t been difficult to switch my priorities. Foroux writes, “Learn what activities destroy your mood and drain your energy. Manage your life so that most of what you do makes you happy and adds to your energy.” We all have the same 24-hours in a day. You know how much time you have. Learn to honor your varying energy levels so you can make the most of your life while enjoying the things you do.

Affirmation: I manage my expenditure of energy.

Coaching questions: What activities make you happy and add to your energy? In what ways do you manage your expenditure of energy? If there is something you need to adjust, what will you do this week to make changes?

The Benefits of Embracing Nature

July 13, 2019July 13, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Embracing the great outdoors cuts down on mental rumination and can boost well-being in the process. Erman Misirlisoy, PhD

This morning my intuition told me to skip the gym and spend time in nature. I exercised my body by walking. I believe I also enhanced my overall health by reducing my mental workload and taking a break from making decisions. Although my intuition is usually spot on, we now have the research to prove the benefits of spending time in nature.

Caoimhe Twohig-Bennett, from UEA’s Norwich Medical School, writes, “Spending time in nature certainly makes us feel healthier, but until now the impact on our long-term wellbeing hasn’t been fully understood. We gathered evidence from over 140 studies involving more than 290 million people to see whether nature really does provide a health boost.”

The team analyzed how the health of people with little access to green spaces compared to that of people with the highest amounts of exposure. They found that spending time in, or living close to, natural green spaces is associated with diverse and significant health benefits. It reduces the risk of type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease, premature death, preterm birth, and increases sleep duration. People living closer to nature also had reduced diastolic blood pressure, heart rate and stress. They also determined that exposure to green space significantly reduces people’s levels of salivary cortisol — a physiological marker of stress.

The research team hopes that their findings will prompt doctors and other healthcare professionals to recommend that patients spend more time in green space and natural areas. Whether it’s a visit to a park, a walk on the beach, or a hike in the woods, make it a priority to regularly spend time in nature.

Affirmation: I spend time in nature.

Coaching question: How important is it to you to spend time in nature? How does being in nature make you feel? If you are rarely exposed to nature, what’s keeping you away?

Celebrating My Life

July 11, 2019July 11, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

When I throw my bread out upon the waters of life, it comes back buttered. Mershon

It’s my birthday! I’m seventy-four. It sounds old but I feel like I’m in the prime of my life. Although it’s been a wild ride starting with my mother dying when I was eight, a heart-breaking divorce after twenty-five years of marriage followed, eight years later, by the sudden death of my second husband ten months after we were married, there’s been much joy. In addition to good health and the blessing of faith and friends, I had three wonderful children who turned out to be amazing adults, eight grandchildren who are all brilliant and charming (of course), a precious third husband, and an abundance of step kids, step grands and step great grands who I love dearly.

In the last four years, my husband and I started a whole new life on Marco Island. I now have new friends that feel like family, organizations that keep me vital, and the benefit of living in a beautiful, peaceful environment. I’m on the cusp of publishing a book on a topic I’m passionate about for an audience for whom I care deeply. Mom’s Gone, Now What? will be part of my legacy along with gardens lovingly planted, a kid or two who can now speak English, memorable tea parties, policy changes in the fields of mental health and aging, plus some people to whom I’ve brought love, support, and adopted babies.

Early on I learned that life can be short. This lesson taught me to live each day with exuberance and joy. Because my mother and grandmother both died in their thirties, I’ve considered the last forty years of my life to be “gravy.” To me, the next twenty or so years will be “frosting on the cake” (you can tell I’m a Foodie).

Affirmation: I live my life with exuberance.

Coaching questions and request: Take time to celebrate your life. This isn’t an egocentric exercise. This is about gratitude for what you’ve endured, accomplished, and who you have become. If you’re thinking, maybe not, ask yourself, what’s holding me back?

Open Yourself to the Unlikely

July 8, 2019July 8, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

If you open yourself when you open a good book it will continue to illuminate your life even after The End. Oprah

If you know me at all, you know I love books. However, there was a time when I read very little. With three children, a business, and a household to manage, even sitting down to read a magazine seemed a far off dream. Now I read about fifty books a year and many magazines. Reading is a necessity for writers but I still see it as a luxury afforded to an empty-nester.

I recently read The Book of Boy by Catherine Gilbert Murdock. It’s everything I’d normally not read: A fantasy written for middle grade kids set in the Middle Ages. I bought the book at a writers’ conference and had it signed by the author for my ninety-two year old friend, Virginia, who writes for this age. Murdock won the 2019 Newberry Award, the top award for children’s literature, so I was intrigued. As I read the book before mailing it to Virginia, I did as Oprah suggested. I opened myself up to an unlikely genre, hero, author, and story. The visions Murdock created will illuminate my life even after The End.

Affirmation: I open myself up to the unlikely.

Coaching questions and request: What new endeavor or experience might you open yourself up to that could make a difference in your life? Camping, a different type of music, an unlikely friend, Lebanese cuisine, a memoir, tap dancing, a symphony? The list is endless. This week, I challenge you to try something outside of your comfort zone. Let me know how it works out.

Embracing Imperfect Beauty

July 6, 2019July 6, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect. Richard Powell, author of Wabi Sabi Simple

Fortunately, next week I get to celebrate another birthday. I’m not a woman who hides her age or laments lost youth. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Beautiful young people are accidents of nature but beautiful old people are works of art.” I’m embracing her words.

I also make an effort to embrace the Japanese notion of wabi-sabi, or “imperfect beauty.”. Wabi-sabi prizes authenticity. It’s the true acceptance of finding beauty in things as they are. Jessie Shool, in her magazine article, The Wabi-Sabi Self, writes, “By perceiving ourselves through this generous lens, we can stop endlessly striving for the ideal body and focus instead on real physical health. All it takes is a shift in perception.”

Affirmation: I am a work of art.

Coaching questions: How do you perceive your aging? What shift in perspective do you need to make to embrace wabi-sabi?

Photo by Pablo Rebolledo on Unsplash

Do No Harm

July 3, 2019July 3, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trail and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. Helen Keller

It breaks my heart to read the posts of women in motherless daughters’ groups telling a woman who is in despair over having just lost her mother that “it doesn’t get any better.” I shout out at my computer screen, “For Heaven’s sake, give the poor grieving woman some hope!” Most of us, if we’re over forty, have suffered at least one significant loss. If all of us never recovered, we would all be walking around like the Zombies we were that first week.

Even Helen Keller, with no sight, hearing or voice, offered a message of hope for those who are suffering and in distress. I believe it’s important to acknowledge a person’s grief, be with her in the reality of the moment, offer no platitudes like “she’s better off now” or “you’ll be fine.” Saying nothing is always good. Your presence is what matters. Reminisce with her about her loved one. But please, please, don’t take away hope for her future. Hope may be the only thread attaching her to this Earth—sometimes, literally.

Affirmation: I will be a healer and do no harm.

Coaching questions: What helped you most in times of despair? What words or presence brought you the most comfort? How do you show up for your friends and family in times of distress?

Photo by Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash