Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Is It a Wonderful Time of Year?

by Mershon Niesner

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” the song says. But that’s not true for everyone. For some, it’s the most difficult time of the year. Too much loneliness, too little money, too much stress, too little love. Maybe this is true for you. If it truly is a wonderful time of the year for you, what can you do to make it better for someone else? 

Sometimes a visit, a listening ear, a bright smile can make a difference to someone who is feeling low. Be mindful of those around you.

Affirmation: I can make a difference.

Coaching questions: What’s something you can do make the holidays better for someone who is having a difficult time? What can you do for yourself if you are in need? How can you ask for help?

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It’s All About Ability

by Mershon Niesner

The human spirit is one of ability, perseverance, and courage that no disability can steal away. 

Yesterday was the International Day of Persons with Disabilities. A day to promote understanding and to support the dignity, rights and well-being of people with disabilities. I like the positive terms, differently-able or mobility challenged. 

My best friend is wheel-chair bound and is one of the most joyful, fulfilled people I know. She is eighty-three, lives alone in the country, is involved in her church and community, and has a long-list of family and friends who love being around her. Her mobility is challenged but her life is all about ability—-sociability, lovability, faith ability. She is my inspiration.

Affirmation: I am not defined by what I can’t do.

Coaching questions: How do you perceive those who are mentally or physically challenged? What can you do to promote understanding and support for people who are differently-able? 

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Telling the Hard Truths

by Mershon Niesner

Better the hard truth, I say, than the comforting fantasy. Carl Sagan, American astronomer

I recently had the opportunity to talk with a honest, straight forward, 60-something daughter whose mother has dementia.  She said her mother is belligerent, sharp-tongued, even mean at times. I asked her if this behavior is the result of the dementia. “No,” she replied, “she’s always been like that.”

Not all mothers, dead or alive, were/are sweet, loving, caring people. It is just fantasy, as Sagan says, to believe so. Sometimes when people die they become “saints” in our memories. Hiding or denying real experiences and feelings slows recovery and keeps us from being our authentic selves.

Affirmation: I am a gentle truth teller.

Coaching questions: Is there some truth telling you need to do about someone in your life?  How can you move towards being truthful with yourself?

Tears Are As Precious As Pearls

by Mershon Niesner

Think of all the incredible things we didn’t get to hear because someone was scared we would see them cry. Jennifer Palmieri, author

In her book Dear Madam President, Jennifer Palmieri writes an open letter to future women leaders. Her advise is, don’t try to immolate men, be who you are. Jennifer writes, “Think of all the times you have heard someone say they passed on sharing something that was particularly moving because they didn’t think they could get it out without crying. That’s a shame.” 

I know I’m holding back a part of myself that might be valuable to others when I don’t share my tears. Some of our most important communications are through our tears.

Affirmation: My tears are a special part of me.

Coaching questions: What have you held back because you were afraid of displaying tears? What difference might you make if you are willing to be vulnerable?

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Five Steps to Earning Trust

by Mershon Niesner

I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher

Trust is the measure of a quality relationship. This is true of friends, business associates, world leaders. Here are four behaviors that demonstrate trustworthiness. 

  1. Keep confidences. When you share confidential information, you destroy your trustworthiness with both the person you have betrayed and the person with whom you have shared the information. 
  2. Show vulnerability. When you open up and share your goals and values with others, they perceive you as more trustworthy. You have “skin in the game” and something to lose.
  3. Respect boundaries. Set clear boundaries for yourself and hold them. In turn, honor the boundaries of others. 
  4. Speak face to face. Twitter, Facebook and other social media outlets have become a breeding ground for distrust. If you have something important to say, speak to the person directly. 
  5. Tell the truth. As Nietzsche says, once  the foundation of truth-telling is broken, it can take a great deal for someone to trust again.

Affirmation: I am trustworthy.

Coaching questions: How do you measure trustworthiness? How do you instill trust in others? What’s one thing you can do to be perceived as a more trustworthy person? 

Lessons From Baby Twain

by Mershon Niesner

The only limits you have are the limits you believe. Wayne Dyer, author and speaker.

Samuel Clemens, known as Mark Twain, was born on this day in 1835. Baby Clemens arrived prematurely in a two-room shack in Florida, Missouri. He was a frail infant and sickly child, prompting his mother to admit, “When I first saw him, I could see no promise in him.” As the creator of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Clemens is one of America’s best known authors despite ending his formal schooling after the fifth grade.

The lesson here—you are more than your packaging, your education, your upbringing. You can accomplish great things if you set your mind to it. Never give up or give in and, your Mama doesn’t always know best. 

Affirmation: I can overcome.

Coaching questions: What do you see as limiting factors in your history? What can you do to overcome them and soar to new heights? What’s one step you will take today? 

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Finding the Stillness Inside

by Mershon Niesner

In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. Deepak Chopra, author

Sunday is the beginning of Advent (also the beginning of Hanukkah for my Jewish friends). For Christians, the next twenty-four days are a time of preparation for the birth of Christ. In our culture “preparation” means baking, card writing, gift shopping, decorating, parties.

Preparation can also be a time of giving to those less fortunate–those in need of our money, our time, our love and comfort. For me, preparation is also a time to “be still and know” in the midst of movement and chaos. To help me achieve this, I’m reading Love Came Down by Janice Wilhelm, a daily advent devotional. I want to just “be” for a few minutes every day during this season of hustle and bustle. 

Affirmation: I can be still.

Coaching question: How are you preparing for Christmas? What helps you keep stillness inside? How will you orchestrate moments of stillness during this busy time of preparation? 

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I’m Not a Tiger’s Breakfast

by Mershon Niesner

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results. Willie Nelson, American musician

We are hard-wired to notice and store negative experiences over positives ones. This negative bias kept us alive in the days when we lived in caves and were in danger of becoming a tiger’s breakfast. It’s one reason we dwell on the one critical comment over the many compliments we receive. We need to learn ways to over-ride this primal brain.

I love taking scenic photos to share with my Facebook friends. In doing this, I’m re-booting my positive thinking and establishing the habit of noticing the lovely and positive. As we look on the bright side of life, we turn away from the stressful and negative.

Affirmation: I look on the bright side.

Coaching questions: What keeps you out of the weeds of negativity? What’s something you can do today to walk on the bright side and override your negative inclinations? 

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Re-writing Your Life

by Mershon Niesner

Never, never, never, never give up. Winston Churchill, British statesman

I’m doing a serious re-write of my book after it returned from three weeks in the hands of my capable editor. As I rethink the genre, the premise or through-line, the structure, I’m reminded of how this work is an analogy for re-writing one’s life after a significant loss. When your mother, husband, child or other significant person in your life dies, parts of your life need to be re-written. Perhaps you’re no longer defined as a care-giver or a partner and you’re wondering who you are and what you’re going to do without your former roles. 

Take a moment and reconnect with what you like and don’t like, how you see yourself in the future, and what contributions you want to make. Re-writing is not for the faint of heart. It takes perseverance, creativity, a determination to succeed and, in my case, prayer. Never, never give up.

Affirmation: I can re-write my life.

Coaching question/request: If you’re recovering from a recent loss, what steps are you taking to re-write your life? Take a moment to journal your thoughts on what’s next. Write about specific ways you can move forward—even if it is just for today or this week. 

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What Tickles Your Fancy?

by Mershon Niesner

It was the right atmosphere, right time, right place for waterbeds because that was a very creative era in San Francisco—Summer of Love and Jefferson Airplane and all that stuff. Charles Hall, inventor of the waterbed

We can’t be serious and introspective all the time. Some days it’s fun to celebrate insignificant things —like the 50th anniversary of the waterbed. Charles Hall was a graduate student in product design at San Francisco State University when he designed the waterbed as his graduate project in human comfort. He later brought them to South Florida where they really took off and now he’s bringing them back in a new, updated design. No, I’m not his ad agency,  I just think it’s interesting.

My son, Dan, wanted a waterbed so badly when he was a kid that he saved up and bought one. He brought the garden hose though his bedroom window and filled it up. He set the heater on high and the rest is blissful history. 

Affirmation: It’s just fine to be frivolous. 

Coaching questions: What’s a little story or bit of history that “tickles your fancy?” What do you do to move from a dark place to a place of light?