Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Keep Your Bucket Full

by Mershon Niesner

An empty lantern provides no light. Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to shine brightly. Unknown

There’s a new children’s book out entitled Fill a Bucket by Carol McCloud and Katherine Martin. The idea is we all have an invisible bucket which holds good thoughts and feelings about ourselves. When someone does something nice for you, you do something nice for them, or you do something nice for yourself, you fill your bucket. 

I’ve used the bucket analogy as a Life Coach for years. I’d notice my client’s bucket was empty by how they sounded or what they said then I’d ask them, “What will you do this week to fill your bucket?” During the holiday season, it’s easy to deplete our own buckets while working hard to fill the buckets of others. This month, keep tabs on your bucket, notice when it’s getting low and either fill it yourself (a nap, a massage, a walk) or ask someone to help you fill it (please clean up the kitchen, take me to dinner, drop this off at the post office). As we fill the buckets of others, the joy in our buckets goes up but we need to watch the balance. 

Affirmation: I have a full bucket.

Coaching questions: How’s your bucket doing? Is it full or empty? What can you do this week to fill up your bucket? 

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Take a Moment to Appreciate Your Brain

by Mershon Niesner

Forgetfulness is a form of freedom. Kahill Gibran, Lebanese-American writer, poet.

How often do we say, I forgot….the keys, the sweater, the name, the birthday, the number? For most of us of a certain age, some forgetfulness is routine. But what about those whose past has slipped away, those whose last five minutes are gone? 

As I interviewed daughters for my book on mother loss, I found it particularly heart-rending when I talked to daughters who are losing or have lost their mothers to Alzheimer’s disease. One woman said, “My mother is lost but not gone.” This mother has forgotten her daughter and everyone else who was important to her yet she is still alive and may live for many more years. One daughter’s story exemplified Gibran’s quote. She said, “My mother used to have great anxiety and worry. As a result, she was often angry and depressed. Now, because of her dementia, she is free of worry and is experiencing joy.” This daughter knows her mother’s situation will worsen but in the meantime she is embracing the moment.

Perhaps you have lost or are losing your mother or other loved one to this terrible disease. I can’t imagine what pain you’re experiencing but I can stand beside you and support you through it.

Affirmation: My brain is alive and well.

Coaching question: What does your ability to think, remember, reason mean to you? Don’t take it for granted, be grateful.

1,000 Thank-Yous

by Mershon Niesner

When trying to go to sleep, instead of counting sheep, try counting things you’re grateful for— in alphabetical order. AJ Jacobs, author

Our national day of gratitude is behind us but I believe every day should be a day for giving thanks and AJ Jacobs, author of Thanks a Thousand, is just the guy to emulate. His book recounts his mission to thank every single person who played a part in making his morning coffee, over 1,000 people. His journey took him from coffeeshop barista to the Colombian coffee farmer to the lid designer. Oh, he also thanked the lady from pest control who kept the bugs out of the coffee warehouse. 

It’s a fact that showing gratitude is good for our physical and mental health. Studies show keeping a gratitude journal helps patients in their recovery and health-care workers’ stress levels decline by an average of 28 percent. We humans are naturally negative. Spreading gratitude is a way to make the world a better place. 

Affirmation: I’m grateful.

Coaching questions: Who have you thanked personally today? What difference does it make when someone thanks you? Think of someone who rarely receives appreciation and thank them.

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Gratitude at the Farmer’s Market

by Mershon Niesner

Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul. Henry Ward Beecher, Clergyman, social reformer.

Yesterday I visited the Farmer’s Market and it reminded me of the many things for which I’m thankful. I had the chance to pet a brand new kitten…what’s more precious than the innocence of animals? There were flowers, lots of flowers and pots of herbs. Colorful, fresh fruits and vegetables for healthy eating. I enjoyed a cup of really good coffee. There was live music. I met fellow writers and a friend at the author’s booth selling books. 

There were French pastries, beautiful breads, stuffed grape leaves, cheese. Booths selling handmade jewelry and photography. I met a family from Connecticut who were visiting. I’m thankful for meeting new people and the tourists who help support our island. The sun was shining, a breeze was blowing. Upon returning home, my sweet husband helped me carry my treasurers up the stairs. Today, as I write this, I’m thankful for you, my followers and viewers. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Affirmation: I have many, many blessings. 

Coaching request: Take a moment to list some of the things for which you’re grateful. Say thanks to those who mean the most to you. Live a life filled with gratitude. 

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A Sign of Hope

by Mershon Niesner

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity. Martin Luther King, American Baptist minister and leader in the civil right movement. 

Last night we went to an ecumenical Thanksgiving service. Catholic, Protestant, and Jewish clergy led the service. It was held at the Jewish Congregation of Marco Island. Yesterday I blogged about hope, then I felt it at this service. People of diverse faiths worshipping together, enjoying each other’s company, like-minded in their love of God and country. In addition to songs of thanksgiving, we sang God Bless America. 

This assemblage was hope personified. Hope that we can embrace the different, come together to give thanks, and show love and appreciation for our country and the world-at-large. I’m thankful for this sign of hope! 

Affirmation: My hope is forever renewed.

Coaching questions: Where have you recently experienced hope? In what ways do you demonstrate hope to others? 

Grab A Life Preserver

by Mershon Niesner

By showing up with hope to help others, I’m guaranteed that hope is present. Then my own hope increases. By creating hope for others, I end up awash in the stuff. Anne Lamott, American novelist and non-fiction writer.

When our world looks bleak and we feel like we’re drowning in grief, pain, regret, or anger, sometimes we must rely on hope to get us through. Tightly hugging hope to your chest is a way to stay on top of what has/is happening in your world. 

Like a life preserver works in the water, hope can keep your head above the surface as you tread or gradually swim towards the shore of recovery. Hope can come from friends, family, faith, or even your pet. 

Affirmation: I’m always hopeful.

Coaching questions: What do you need to be hopeful about? Where do you find hope?

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Editing Your Life

by Mershon Niesner

Good or bad, change is a foray into the unknown. Bahram Akradi, CEO of Life Time Fitness.

We all know that change is part of the human experience. We deal with change everyday whether it is in our relationships, our body, our environment, or our attitude. The world is constantly in a state of change. You’d think we’d have it figured out by now but change is frequently difficult.

The manuscript for my book is due back today from the editor. All the hard work I put into writing what I thought were the best sentences, paragraphs, profound thoughts and snappy conversation will be in question. Well not all of it I hope, but editing is about helping an author create their best piece of work. I’m ready for the change suggestions that I know are coming. Will it be easy? No! It’s the most difficult part of being a writer. Will I get through it? Yes, because I’m committed to making a difference and doing my best work. 

Affirmation: I can make changes.

Coaching questions: What needs “editing” in your life? What changes will it bring about? Will you make them? 

You’re A Princess Too

by Mershon Niesner

Always know that in every girl there is a princess with the strength of a warrior. Unknown 

It’s National Princess Day…who knew? I’m encouraging each of you to celebrate the Princess inside you. Perhaps you shine because you give the gift of humor and laughter. Maybe you show your royal nature by doing acts of kindness or you’re a bold, confident, warrior princess modeling what it’s like to take on a challenge and succeed.

Princesses aren’t just about beauty, pretty dresses and finding a Prince. They are strong,  smart and confident. Whatever type of Princess you are, step into your light and shine. 

Affirmation: I am a Princess.

Coaching questions: How will you show up as a Princess today? What are your royal gifts? 

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Who Dares Wins

by Mershon Niesner

Life is a struggle and the potential for failure is ever present, but those who live in fear of failure or hardship, or embarrassment will never achieve their potential. Admiral William H. McRaven, U.S. Navy Retired from his book, Make Your Bed.

“Who Dares Wins” was the motto of the British Special Air Service, the famed SAS. According to McRaven, the motto was so admired that it was quoted by the commander moments before the bin Laden raid.

 I often asked my coaching clients, “What would you do with your life if you knew you couldn’t fail?” Living life out of fear—of failure or what other’s might think—inhibits potential and contribution. Dare to take risks, feel the fear and doing it anyway. 

Affirmation: I am courageous. 

Coaching questions: What is holding you back from living your best life? What’s one daring thing you will do this week to become your best self? Perhaps it is speaking up on a controversial topic, severing a toxic relationship, taking a class, changing your hair color, starting to workout at the gym, asking someone you’ve just met to lunch. Start where you are then step out of your zone.

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Six Tips For Celebrating the Holidays After a Loss

by Mershon Niesner

How lucky I am to have had someone that makes saying goodbye so hard. Paraphrased from Winnie the Pooh

While some of us are joyfully getting ready for the upcoming holiday season, others are dreading the thought. Whether you’ve had a recent loss or one years ago, the holidays can trigger grief and sadness. Here are a few tips for dealing with this time of the year.

  1. Let others know your wishes. Be clear about what you do and don’t want to attend or participate in. This isn’t the time to be a pleaser. Take care of yourself.
  2. Celebrate traditions…or not. If it feels right to do the things you’ve always done, carry on. If creating new traditions works for you, let others know your ideas and follow through.
  3. Give to a charity in the name of your mom. In this season of gift giving, this is a way to feel you’ve given a gift to your loved one who is gone.
  4. Pass on favorite recipes. One way to create a legacy is to teach others traditional recipes that you learned from your mother. This is particularly satisfying if your children or grandchildren never knew her. 
  5. Attend uplifting events. Find a Christmas play, cantata, or child’s school event to attend. 
  6. Keep it simple. Getting tired and entering into the realm of overwhelm will take away the few emotional reserves you have accumulated. It’s just fine to forget the cards or cookies. Rest when you need to and have a relaxed holiday season. 

Affirmation: I can handle the holidays.

Coaching questions: What is your plan for handling this season? Don’t leave it to chance. Consider what will work for you. Do you have a confidante? Don’t hesitate to contact her.

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