Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Balancing Purpose and Pleasure

by Mershon Niesner

To be truly happy, you need to feel both pleasure and purpose. You can be just as happy or sad as I am but with a different combination of pleasure and purpose. And you may require each to different degrees at different times. But you do need to feel both. I call this the pleasure-purpose principle–the PPP. Paul Dolan, author of Happiness by Design

Hedonism is the pursuit of happiness via sensory pleasure and comforts. Eudaemonism is the pursuit of happiness through efforts to live a virtuous life and become a better person. There’s evidence to show that living well means balancing these two aims.

If we choose one to the exclusion of the other, we can end up feeling like we’re missing out which can cause anxiety, depression and even chronic disease. One way to obtain balance is to notice when experiences provide a sense of both pleasure and purpose then create more of these moments in our lives.

Affirmation: I have both pleasure and purpose in my life.

Coaching questions: Can you name a time when you experienced both pleasure and purpose? What helps you keep both pleasure and purpose active in your life? What gives you pleasure? What gives you a sense of purpose?

Get Your Sleep!

by Mershon Niesner

A lot of people underestimate rest, especially sleeping and recovery time. Jason Day, Australian professional golfer.

Did you know that you have a brain-cleaning crew that works the night shift only? While you are sleeping, your brain’s glymnphatic system flushes cerebrospinal fluid through your gray matter to remove proteins that accumulate during the day.

If you deprive yourself of restorative sleep, waste begins to accumulate in the brain and causes a loss of neurological function. In the short term, this might mean poor memory or absent-mindedness. In the long term the trash buildup may be a contributing factor to dementia and Alzheimer’s. Sleep isn’t a luxury. 

Affirmation: I get good sleep.

Coaching questions: How much sleep do you get? How much do you need? What’s keeping you from getting the sleep you need for maximum health?

 

The Power of Education

by Mershon Niesner

Let us remember: One book, one pen, one child, and one teacher can change the world. Malala Yousafzai, Pakistani activist for female education and youngest Nobel Prize laureate.

A few years ago, we spent our winters in Costa Rica. During this time I tutored local school-aged children through a community program called Abriendo Mentes whose motto is “using the power of education to create brighter futures.”

Because their school is small, children in this village have limited classroom time and need additional help to learn English, create art, play games, learn about the environment, practice their writing, etc. These Tico children are eager learners, anxiously awaiting their turn to enter the classroom. It was gratifying to see what a difference education makes in the life of a child.

Affirmation: I can make a difference.

Coaching question: How can you make a difference, whether in the lives of children or in other ways?

IMG_1647Abriendo Mentes program and my two volunteer teacher friends

Be Inspired

by Mershon Niesner

Strong emotions such as passion and bliss are indictions that you’re connected to Spirit, or ‘inspired,’ if you will. When you’re inspired, you activate dormant forces, and the abundance you seek in any form comes streaming into your life. Wayne Dyer, American philosopher, self-help author, and motivational speaker.

The mug from which I drink my morning green tea has three words written on the inside rim, “Always Be Inspired.”

I’m inspired by people who demonstrate excellence and resolve…our garden store assistant who is a “plant encyclopedia” and willing to share, my best friend, Nanc, who doesn’t let being wheel-chair bound dampen her spirits or her fun, writers I met at the writer’s conference who were undaunted by the publishing statistics, caregivers for loved ones afflicted with Alzheimer’s, the daughters I have interviewed who, though their own loss was great, want to tell their stories to inspire others towards recovery.

Affirmation: I am inspired.

Coaching questions: What/who inspires you? What difference does this inspiration make in your life?

Acknowledging Unloved Daughters

by Mershon Niesner

The taboos about “dissing” our mothers, and the myths of motherhood which portray all mothers as loving, serve to isolate unloved daughters. Peg Streep, author of Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life

Let’s face it…not all mothers are loving, nurturing, Hallmark card women. It’s difficult to be realistic about mothers, especially dead mothers, who weren’t exempleary. According to Streep, an unloved daughter who was frequently ignored, unheard, or criticized, grows up with an internalized maternal voice which continues to undermine her accomplishments and talents unless there is intervention.

Frequently daughters who grow up with this lack of confidence feel that they are “fooling people” and fear they will be “found out” even when they are successful.

Affirmation: I am truthful about my mother.

Coaching questions: If you grew up with a an external, and now internal, voice that was negative, what steps will you take to become a more confident woman? What difference will this make in your life? If you were an unloved daughter, write your mother a letter telling her how you feel.

 

On Becoming The Buffalo

by Mershon Niesner

Cows run away from the storm while the buffalo charges toward it—and gets through it quicker. Whenever I’m confronted with a tough challenge, I do not prolong the torment, I become the buffalo. Wilma Mankiller, the first woman elected to serve as chief of the Cherokee Nation.

“Do the hard thing first” is a common business productivity tip. “Feel the fear and do it anyway” is my personal mantra. Running toward the challenge, like the buffalo, rather than away from difficult choices, feelings, or confrontations, helps those who are willing to behave in this way, gain peace of mind sooner rather than later.

Life is short, take care of the difficult business of your life. Become the buffalo.

Affirmation: I can become the buffalo.

Coaching questions: What challenges in your life do you need to run towards right now? What first step will you take today? How will you feel after you’ve become the buffalo?

IMG_3413.jpgI took this photo a few years ago in Yellowstone National Park. Isn’t he beautiful?

Look For The Helpers

by Mershon Niesner

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ Mister Rogers

Mister Rogers’s mother knew that if her son recognized the helpers he would feel calmer about the tragedy, knowing that someone was there to take control and put order to the chaos. Who has helped you in times of tragedy or need? Perhaps it was a teacher or a pastor, a grandmother or a neighbor, a friend or sibling.

As I talk with daughters who have lost their mothers to death, abandonment or Alzheimer’s, the trajectory of their grief recovery is often changed by the helpers who show up. The support and love of older brothers or sisters, grandmothers, neighbors, friends in support groups, hospice workers, or dads, calm the chaos of the moment and become the helpers in their lives.

Affirmation: I’ve been blessed with having helpers in my life.

Coaching questions: Who have been the helpers in your life? How have they made a difference? How have you shown up as a helper in the life of another? What difference did you make?

IMG_2071.jpgEven the famous Julia Child needed helpers…lots of helpers!

Gratitude The Japanese Way

by Mershon Niesner

In Japan, you say Itadakimasu before each meal to show respect to every life that went into creating your dish and to give thanks for both the food and your ability to receive it. Quoted from Oprah Magazine

It’s been my tradition since I was a little girl to say grace before each meal so I was interested in this Eastern outlook. Saying grace, whether by using the word Itakakimasu or with a child singing their words, is a ritual that gives us an opportunity to pause and consider our abundance.

Gratitude is one of the primary tenets of a joy filled life. Being grateful, on purpose, at least three times a day is a good start.

Affirmation: I am grateful.

Coaching question: How do you voice your gratitude? Whatever your faith tradition, consider saying something out loud at your mealtime to show your gratitude.

Exercise Your Heart

by Mershon Niesner

There is no better exercise for the heart than to reach down and lift people up. John Andrew Holmes, author

This morning I will be hitting the gym in an effort to keep my body strong. Aerobic exercise is good for the heart but I believe Holmes is on to something also. Just as finding ways to physically exercise like parking in the back of the lot or taking the stairs, looking for opportunities to “lift people up” also strengthens the heart.

Sometimes you hear it in their hello and ask, “How are you really?” or you see it in the tension on their face. Watch for clues that will give you an opportunity to exercise your heart and make a difference in the life of another.

Affirmation: I lift people up.

Coaching questions: What have you done lately to lift another up? How did your heart feel? What will you do to create or be responsive to opportunities in the future?

IMG_1638

Be A Grandma Moses

by Mershon Niesner

You can accomplish incredible things no matter what stage of your life you are in. Shaquille O’Neal, retired American professional basketball player

One of the icons of accomplishing great things later in life is Anna Mary Robertson, commonly known as Grandma Moses (1860-1961). Grandma Moses was one of the most famous folk artists of the twentieth century.

When Moses’ husband died in 1927, she sought ways to keep busy in her grief, using art in her recovery. In her seventies, Moses devoted most of her time to painting. Moses won the Women’s National Press Club Award for her artistic achievements in 1949 and met with President Harry Truman while collecting her award. She created roughly 1,500 works of art.  It’s never too late to begin.

Affirmation: I can start something new.

Coaching questions: If your concept of age wasn’t an issue, what would you start? What difference would it make in your life? What’s keeping you from a new adventure?