Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Embrace The Lemon

by Mershon Niesner

No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new Heaven to the human spirit. Helen Keller 

Is your glass half full or half empty? How do you respond to a horrible, awful, terrible day? What do you do with the sour lemons of your life—those events that aren’t fair, the personal failures, untimely deaths, when you see the scale suddenly going in the wrong direction? 

Learning how to make lemonade out of the lemons that inevitably show up in your life is the secret to joyful living. It doesn’t mean that you’ll be happy everyday, sipping away on a sugary refreshment, no! It means gradually squeezing out those sour lemons, adding some water and sugar to even out the bitterness, and overtime, creating something you can enjoy and share.

Affirmation: I know how to make lemonade.

Coaching questions: What are the lemons in your life? How do you cope with them? What’s one thing you can do to turn your pessimism into optimism so you too can discover the secret of the stars?

The Yearly Bucket List Oath

by Mershon Niesner

 I solemnly swear to create memories that last a lifetime. I vow to make an impression on the world, not the couch. I promise to dream about unrealistic goals, and make them my reality. Author unknown

I’ve been working through my Bucket List in the last few years and have checked a few off that I never dreamed would come true. Here’s a sample: Visit Paris (twice), swim with the dolphins, ride a dogsled on a glacier (see photo), go to cooking school in France (I went to one in Julia Child’s French home), take a grandchild on a trip (I took Tuscany to NYC), read over 50 books in a year (last year), help a stranger go to college (Rosie), make fresh pasta using no machines (cooking school in Italy), revisit childhood memories in Dubois, Wyoming. Writing a book wasn’t on my bucket list but it is an unrealistic goal that I plan to make into reality.

What’s on your bucket list? Deciding what you want, writing it down, sending it out into the Universe makes a difference. Trust me.

Affirmation: I believe in dreams.

Coaching questions: If you don’t have a Bucket List, what’s keeping you from making one? Write down at least three things you dream of doing. If you do have a list, add three things to it.

IMG_2629Dogsledding on Alaskan glacier.

So Happy To Have “Fraughters”

by Mershon Niesner

A daughter is just a little girl who grows up to be your best friend. Anonymous

I am blessed with two daughters and a son who I have had the privilege to see grow up. (I’m also delighted to have two step-daughters and a step-son but they came into my life fully grown.) As the first generation in three to have the opportunity to see my children into adulthood, I particularly treasure the time I have with my adult children. My mother and her mother didn’t live through their thirties so I’m relieved that my daughters are both in their forties. What a joy it is to have adult daughters who become “fraughters” — friends/daughters.

One of the take-aways of a daughter, like myself, who has experienced early mother loss, is the appreciation of being able to spend time with grown daughters.

Affirmation: I find joy in my grown children.

Coaching questions: If you have young children, what helps you overcome any anxiety about leaving them too soon? If your children are grown, how can you show gratitude that you made it this far in their lives?

IMG_0004My middle child, Katie, and I at my step-granddaughter’s wedding last night.

I Just Don’t Know What To Say

by Mershon Niesner

Who we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us. Helen Keller, American author, political activist, first deaf-blind person to earn a bachelor of arts degree

Helen Keller has the right idea when it comes to words of sympathy. Offering supporting words to friends who are in emotional pain due to the critical illness or death of a loved one can be fraught with peril. Saying things like, “she’s in a better place” or “everything happens for a reason” or “I know just how you feel,” can be hurtful to many. Telling your own Super Griever story is not helpful either. Sharing a memory of the loved one, showing concern for the caregiver/grieving person herself, or saying nothing at all but being present is good too.

Don’t let “not knowing what to say” keep you from being a comforting person in your friend’s life. Send a card or a text, show up with tacos, offer to take the dog for a walk or their kids to a movie. Don’t be afraid to say, “I just don’t know what to say.” Trust me, she’ll get your message.

Affirmation: I care about my friends.

Coaching questions: When you have experienced a loss, what was helpful and comforting to you? Give some thought right now about how you might respond to a grieving or completely overwhelmed friend. Your words and actions will be ready when you need them in the moment.

What I Learned At Legoland

by Mershon Niesner

What’s really cool about LEGOs is that you can put a bunch of bricks on the table, and everybody will make something different. Everyone has different ideas, and some of them may seem crazy. Christopher Miller, Writer of The Lego Movie

This week I took two grandchildren, August, 10, and Marcella, 5, to our local Legoland. It was a fun morning of observing amazing cities, animals, Star Wars characters and more all made from tiny, plastic Legos bricks. In addition, there was a Lego movie, a couple of rides and lots of opportunities to build with Legos. So, what did I learn in this haven for kiddies?

  1. Amazing creative things can be made from tiny pieces of plastic. 
  2. Kids who are compete strangers can find joy in building a Duplo wall together.
  3. Very happy, creative adults with engineering and IT skills galore can get paid for conceptualizing and building super cool things out of Legos
  4. You have to know a bit about building with Legos to create a workable car with wheels (this grandma was woefully unqualified) but I learned you get extra credit for riding on a kiddie ride.
  5. Well raised kids express gratitude.
  6. I day of fun ages a person backwards.

Affirmation: I know how to have fun.

Coaching questions: What do you do for fun? What brings out the kid in you? What does being child-like do for you?

Birthdays

by Mershon Niesner

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Satchel Paige, legendary baseball pitcher

On July 11th, 1945, less than two months before the end of WWII, in a small, questionably clean hospital delivery room in Ardmore, Oklahoma, I was born. The doctor was out fishing at the time, but managed to appear shortly before my 10:10 am birth. My dad was a Captain in the US Air Force and had asked his commander to postpone his immediate transfer to McDill Air Force Base in Florida in order to be nearby for at least the first several days after by birth. 

My parents, Leon and Winnie, had enjoyed some years of alone-couple-time prior to my arrival so the timing was right but who would have guessed that a little less than nine years later, our family would have shrunk to just my dad and me with a 34-year-old wife and mother dead before her time. No one knows what life will bring. I learned very early that death is real and our time on this earth can be cut short at any minute. That knowledge has caused me to strive to live life to the fullest and appreciate every moment.

Affirmation: I am joyfully and fully alive.

Coaching questions: What have you learned from the traumas of your life? What difference has that understanding made?

Finding Peace

by Mershon Niesner

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.  Jimi Hendrix (1942-1970), American rock guitarist, singer, and songwriter.

It feels as though our nation and our world are in unprecedented turmoil. The power of love is definitely not overcoming the love of power as Hendrix was suggesting. As much as I believe in being an informed advocate for what we believe, taking a breather from it all is valuable as well.

Take a moment and consider the swan. Her life may not be as peaceful as this photo from my local park portrays, but the image gives us a focal point on which to rest our minds and our hearts. Now, if only for a few seconds, take a deep breath and just BE.

Affirmation: I am at peace.

Coaching questions: What helps you keep peace within yourself? If you feel harried, what is one thing can you do to feel more peaceful?

IMG_2275 (1)

Challenging Yourself

by Mershon Niesner

If I couldn’t handle not being good at something, then how could I consider myself a successful person? Gerald, high school athlete featured on CBS Sunday Morning

As the saying goes, “out of the mouths of babes,” this quote comes from the mouth of a high school student who was good at nearly every sport in his school….except swimming. He couldn’t even swim. So, what did he do? He tried out for the swim team and because they were so desperate for members, he was signed on. Eventually he takes them to the state tournament but the big take away is his quote and the fact he would even consider such a challenge. 

Mostly we shy away from what we’re not good at. We want to be successful, look good, and not suffer the humility of failure. Gerald’s courage, self-esteem, self-awareness are all admirable. And he didn’t just think it, he did it. He learned what it is like to be a successful person by first being a failure.

Affirmation: I like a challenge.

Coaching questions: Is there something you’re not good at that you want to try but are holding back because you might look foolish? If you challenged yourself to take this on, how might it change your life?

Letting Go

by Mershon Niesner

Don’t try to force anything. Let life be a deep let-go. God opens millions of flowers every day without forcing their buds. Osho, Indian godman and leader (1931-1990)

If you know me, you know I’m generally a stress-free person. Balance and order have always been important to me mostly because I really don’t like to feel stressed. But last week several events caused stress to catch up with me. Everything that was stressing me turned out to be just fine. Just like the quote, the buds turned to flowers despite my stressing over them.

This experience reminded me to: Let go and let God, breathe, stay in the present, and organize the best you can then allow events to unfold as they will.

Affirmation: I will let go.

Coaching questions: What helps you combat the inevitable stressors of life? How’s that working out for you? If you’re living with more stress that you’d like to, what steps can you take to learn how to deal with the stress or eliminate the stressors?