Life after losing a mother

Eat More Plants! Consider These Superstars

August 10, 2019August 10, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. Michael Pollan, author of In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto

For most of us, our guts are screaming, “Eat more plants!” This is because our gut needs friendly bacteria to help digest our food, fight pathogens, maintain a heathy weight, and fend off some diseases, including cancer. Research has shown that if you want more friendly bacteria, which relies on fiber to flourish, you should eat more plants.

All whole plant foods provide some fiber but these superstars will help you reach a goal of the recommended 22 to 28 grams per day.

Navy beans – 1 cup cooked – 19.1 grams
Lentils – 1 cup cooked – 15.6 grams
Black beans – 1 cup cooked – 15 grams
Green peas – 1 cup cooked – 8.8 grams
Avocado – 1/2 large – 8.5 grams
Bulgur – 1 cup cooked – 8.2 grams
Raspberries – 1 cup – 8 grams
Pear – 1 medium – 5.5 grams
Brussel sprouts – 1 cup cooked – 4.1 grams
Oats – 1 cup uncooked – 4 grams

Source of list: Experience Life magazine

Affirmation: I eat plants.

Coaching questions: What is your gut telling you about your diet? Are you listening? What’s one thing you will do this week to move towards having a healthier gut?

Photo by ja ma on Unsplash

Tips For Caregivers From A Motherless Daughter

August 8, 2019August 8, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Alzheimer’s SUCKS!☹😭 Robyn, motherless daughter

I met Robyn in a Alzheimer’s on-line support group. I’m not a caregiver but I’m in the group to offer support to those who are. In her final post, Robyn offered some great advice. Family members are frequently the best experts.

Final post 💜….. (written by Robyn)

I’d like to thank all in this group, including administrators. This group pulled me up when I couldn’t. My Mom, Terry, had Alzheimer’s. She passed 2/12/17. I stayed in this group after she passed to “pay it forward. ” For those just starting this journey, I would like to share a bit of advice from MY point of view.

1) U are not “less than” if u put ur L.O. in a nursing home.

2) The only medication my mom had was her baby doll, with whom she was buried. It gave her a “purpose.” Buy one!

3) Get yourself educated about the disease as early as possible. If I had learned earlier, I would not have tried to reason with my mother.

4) Live in their world.

5) Feeding tubes only prolong the agony.

6) When death is near, their loved ones from beyond come to take them. I was not there when my mother passed but I believe that she was not alone😔.

7) If you are raising children, put them 1st. Your loved one would want that. I was a single mother sandwiched between my son and my mother. I did the best I could.

8) And finally, to those who are just starting this journey…God bless you. 💜💜💜💜💜💜

ps…Alzheimer’s SUCKS!☹😭

Affirmation: I learn from others’ experiences.

Coaching questions: What advice would you give others based on your life experiences? How will you get your message out so, like Robyn, you too can make a difference?

Photo by Tomasz Sroka on Unsplash

No Shame In Listening To Books

August 6, 2019August 6, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

You don’t have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them. Ray Bradbury, American author

Years ago, when audio books first came out, I listened to books as much as I read them. I lived in the country and had plenty of time driving on country roads with no traffic to safely enjoy listening to a book in the car. One of my book club members scoffed at the idea saying I hadn’t actually “read” the book we were reviewing because I had “listened” to it.

Fortunately, attitudes are changing and audio books are increasing in popularity. I agree with Niki Porter, Senior Editor of The Writer magazine, who writes, “There should be zero shame about listening to a book for pleasure versus reading one on paper. Stories bring people together. Never disparage how people consume them.” Read a book on paper, a screen, or with your ears. It doesn’t matter. Just read!

Affirmation: Reading enriches my life.

Coaching questions/request: What’s your favorite medium for reading? If you’re not reading, what’s keeping you away? If you’re not a paper/electronic book reader, try an audio book. Choose one that is professionally recorded. Samples are often free.

Looking For the Motivation To Do Something Big?

August 3, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. Dr. Seuss

Researching, writing, publishing, and marketing a book is hard work. I’m sure some people are wondering why a seventy-four-year-old, retired grandma wants to tackle something so demanding. I recently found a quote that answers this question. “If your ‘why’ is powerful enough, your ‘how’ will be easy!”

As I meet motherless daughters and participate in motherless daughter groups, my “why” is evident. I want to give these grieving daughters tools to help them move forward and live life to the fullest even though they have experienced trauma in their lives. I want to assure them that they are not alone and give them examples of other daughters who have experienced a similar life story and not only survived but thrived. I care “a whole awful lot.”

Affirmation: I have discovered the “why.”

Coaching question/request: Is there something you’re yearning to do but are hesitating because you think it is too big or too scary? If the answer is yes, find the “why” in what you want to do. Then, just do it!

The photo is of two beautiful women (sisters by adoption) I interviewed for my book. They shared their amazing mother loss story in order to help others to “never give up!”

I Hope You Miss Me–Just a Little

July 18, 2019July 17, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Wherever you go, go with all your heart. Confucius

I won’t be bogging for the next three weeks. My husband and I are taking a cruise from London to Iceland. Although I’ll have WiFi on the ship (join me on Facebook to see photos), I’m taking a break from “work” and leaving my laptop at home.

I’m going to give my full attention to the sea breezes, sunsets, fabulous food, new acquaintances, unique experiences, and beautiful places like Saint Malo, Dublin, Belfast, St Mary Isles of Scilly, and Reykjavik. I’m going with all my heart and giving the experience my full attention.

I hope you miss me—even if it’s just a little.

P.S. This photo is from a past Alaskan cruise. I took a helicopter to a glacier, the dogs’ summer training ground, in order to dog sled. Two of the dogs on my team had run in the Iditarod. One of my favorite life experiences.

Keeping Our Brains Young

July 17, 2019July 17, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Aerobic exercise can change the brain’s anatomy, physiology and function. Wendy Suzuki, PhD, author of Healthy Brain, Happy Life.

Perhaps you think exercise is all about your body—building muscles, conditioning your heart, circulatory systems, etc. You’re right, of course, but exercise is also about your brain. Exercise, along with fresh food, adequate sleep, and socialization, helps keep your brain healthy. “What virtually no one recognizes,” warns John Rately, MD, associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, “is that inactivity is killing our brains.”

Scientists believe that physical activity stresses our brains similarly to how it works our muscles. Neurons break down, then recover, becoming stronger and more resilient. The good news is that exercise keeps our brains young. Rately adds, “Everything we’ve learned continues to confirm that exercise helps prevent cognitive decline as we age.” Exercise makes our brain stronger and protects it from a variety of diseases including dementia. If this doesn’t motivate us to exercise, what will?

Affirmation: I exercise regularly.

Coaching questions: How much do you value your physical and mental health? What steps will you take this week to honor this value?

Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash

Learn to Manage Your Energy

July 15, 2019July 15, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Life is long and if you play it right, you can do most of the fun things you always wanted. You just need to have patience and manage your energy so you can ENJOY the things you do. Darius Foroux, The Medium

There was a day when I concentrated on managing my time but I’ve learned that it’s more important to manage my energy. I still write to do lists and check my calendar but I’ve learned to view my schedule with an eye to managing my energy rather than figuring out how many activities I can squeeze into a day.

As a person who has always needed quiet time and plenty of sleep, it hasn’t been difficult to switch my priorities. Foroux writes, “Learn what activities destroy your mood and drain your energy. Manage your life so that most of what you do makes you happy and adds to your energy.” We all have the same 24-hours in a day. You know how much time you have. Learn to honor your varying energy levels so you can make the most of your life while enjoying the things you do.

Affirmation: I manage my expenditure of energy.

Coaching questions: What activities make you happy and add to your energy? In what ways do you manage your expenditure of energy? If there is something you need to adjust, what will you do this week to make changes?

The Benefits of Embracing Nature

July 13, 2019July 13, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Embracing the great outdoors cuts down on mental rumination and can boost well-being in the process. Erman Misirlisoy, PhD

This morning my intuition told me to skip the gym and spend time in nature. I exercised my body by walking. I believe I also enhanced my overall health by reducing my mental workload and taking a break from making decisions. Although my intuition is usually spot on, we now have the research to prove the benefits of spending time in nature.

Caoimhe Twohig-Bennett, from UEA’s Norwich Medical School, writes, “Spending time in nature certainly makes us feel healthier, but until now the impact on our long-term wellbeing hasn’t been fully understood. We gathered evidence from over 140 studies involving more than 290 million people to see whether nature really does provide a health boost.”

The team analyzed how the health of people with little access to green spaces compared to that of people with the highest amounts of exposure. They found that spending time in, or living close to, natural green spaces is associated with diverse and significant health benefits. It reduces the risk of type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease, premature death, preterm birth, and increases sleep duration. People living closer to nature also had reduced diastolic blood pressure, heart rate and stress. They also determined that exposure to green space significantly reduces people’s levels of salivary cortisol — a physiological marker of stress.

The research team hopes that their findings will prompt doctors and other healthcare professionals to recommend that patients spend more time in green space and natural areas. Whether it’s a visit to a park, a walk on the beach, or a hike in the woods, make it a priority to regularly spend time in nature.

Affirmation: I spend time in nature.

Coaching question: How important is it to you to spend time in nature? How does being in nature make you feel? If you are rarely exposed to nature, what’s keeping you away?

Celebrating My Life

July 11, 2019July 11, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

When I throw my bread out upon the waters of life, it comes back buttered. Mershon

It’s my birthday! I’m seventy-four. It sounds old but I feel like I’m in the prime of my life. Although it’s been a wild ride starting with my mother dying when I was eight, a heart-breaking divorce after twenty-five years of marriage followed, eight years later, by the sudden death of my second husband ten months after we were married, there’s been much joy. In addition to good health and the blessing of faith and friends, I had three wonderful children who turned out to be amazing adults, eight grandchildren who are all brilliant and charming (of course), a precious third husband, and an abundance of step kids, step grands and step great grands who I love dearly.

In the last four years, my husband and I started a whole new life on Marco Island. I now have new friends that feel like family, organizations that keep me vital, and the benefit of living in a beautiful, peaceful environment. I’m on the cusp of publishing a book on a topic I’m passionate about for an audience for whom I care deeply. Mom’s Gone, Now What? will be part of my legacy along with gardens lovingly planted, a kid or two who can now speak English, memorable tea parties, policy changes in the fields of mental health and aging, plus some people to whom I’ve brought love, support, and adopted babies.

Early on I learned that life can be short. This lesson taught me to live each day with exuberance and joy. Because my mother and grandmother both died in their thirties, I’ve considered the last forty years of my life to be “gravy.” To me, the next twenty or so years will be “frosting on the cake” (you can tell I’m a Foodie).

Affirmation: I live my life with exuberance.

Coaching questions and request: Take time to celebrate your life. This isn’t an egocentric exercise. This is about gratitude for what you’ve endured, accomplished, and who you have become. If you’re thinking, maybe not, ask yourself, what’s holding me back?

Open Yourself to the Unlikely

July 8, 2019July 8, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

If you open yourself when you open a good book it will continue to illuminate your life even after The End. Oprah

If you know me at all, you know I love books. However, there was a time when I read very little. With three children, a business, and a household to manage, even sitting down to read a magazine seemed a far off dream. Now I read about fifty books a year and many magazines. Reading is a necessity for writers but I still see it as a luxury afforded to an empty-nester.

I recently read The Book of Boy by Catherine Gilbert Murdock. It’s everything I’d normally not read: A fantasy written for middle grade kids set in the Middle Ages. I bought the book at a writers’ conference and had it signed by the author for my ninety-two year old friend, Virginia, who writes for this age. Murdock won the 2019 Newberry Award, the top award for children’s literature, so I was intrigued. As I read the book before mailing it to Virginia, I did as Oprah suggested. I opened myself up to an unlikely genre, hero, author, and story. The visions Murdock created will illuminate my life even after The End.

Affirmation: I open myself up to the unlikely.

Coaching questions and request: What new endeavor or experience might you open yourself up to that could make a difference in your life? Camping, a different type of music, an unlikely friend, Lebanese cuisine, a memoir, tap dancing, a symphony? The list is endless. This week, I challenge you to try something outside of your comfort zone. Let me know how it works out.