Life after losing a mother

Getting Better With Age

April 3, 2019April 3, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Aging is not ‘lost youth’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength. Betty Friedan, author

If you’re in your 60s, 70s, or 80s, here’s some good news. Chances are, you’ve moved beyond the desire for social competition to embracing the importance of social connection. You’re investing in the well-being of others and activities you enjoy. Of course, life events like death of a loved one or poor health can interrupt this arc. But, in the long run, moving away from the treadmill of upper mobility actually makes us happier.

According to Jonathan Rauych, author of The Happiness Curve, “As we age our brains become more weighted toward positivity. These changes can be seen in brain MRI scans. Over time we experience less stress, regret, and emotional volatility.” In other words, with experience and age, we become wiser and have more balance and perspective. Now, isn’t that good news?

Affirmation: I have the capacity to improve with age.

Coaching questions: If you’re in your 60s and beyond, have you experienced greater well-being? What are you doing to move into the “happiness curve?”

Mailed You This Snake – April Fool!

April 1, 2019March 31, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Mix a little foolishness with your prudence: It’s good to be silly at the right moment. Horace, Roman Poet

Did someone put salt in your sugar bowl this morning? Perhaps there will be a rubber snake in your bed tonight. Beware! Today is April Fools’ Day.

This day has been celebrated for several centuries but the origins remain somewhat of a mystery. Some historians speculate that April Fools’ Day dates back to 1582 when France switched from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar. People slow to get the news or those who failed to recognize that the start of the new year had moved to January and still celebrated the last week of March through April first became the butt of jokes and hoaxes. Sounds like bulling to me. Anyway, the day can be fun for some and annoying to others. It’s only one day. As far as I can tell, nothing interesting happens on April second—unless it is your birthday.

Affirmation: I can be silly and kind.

Coaching questions: Have you been the butt of a joke or hoax? How did you feel? How did you respond?

Photo by Lukasz Szmigiel on Unsplash

Take One Step At a Time

March 27, 2019March 27, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Break every objective into its smallest pieces and take action with just one of them, even if it is the smallest one and seems insignificant. Bahram Akradi, CEO of Life Time

If you recently set a goal to run a marathon, 26.2 miles can be daunting. Break it down and think of 29,000 strides, taken one step at a time, and it may feel doable. Writing a book is challenging until you consider one word, one sentence at a time. Losing weight starts with saying “no” to one dessert or one dinner roll. Last year, when I reached only a handful of people with this blog, I never dreamed it would be read by people from 52 countries within a year. It happened a day at a time, a post at a time.

When we break our goals into smaller pieces and begin to take action, we can achieve our objectives. We can even play a role in turning around daunting, world-wide events like climate change by simple, everyday actions like eating more plants and less meat or buying locally.

Affirmation: I can reach my goals and make a difference one step at a time.

Coaching questions: Where do you want to make a change in your personal life and/or in the life of the Earth? What’s one step you will take to make this happen? On a scale of 1-10, how strong is your commitment?

Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash

Words Matter – Learn to Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

March 25, 2019March 24, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

You can change your world by changing your words. Remember, death and life are in the power of the tongue. Joel Osteen, pastor

Whether you’re speaking with others or to yourself, the words you use go a long way to shaping your experiences. In other words, we’re programmed by the words we speak and hear. This is one reason I include an affirmation with every blog. How we speak to yourselves, especially when we use the phrase, “I am,” goes a long way towards creating our reality.

Saying to ourself, “I’m exhausted” is disempowering. Whereas, “I’m ready for some down time” can empower you to get some rest. Also, check out words or phases you frequently use that may be limiting like “whatever” or “I don’t care.” You may be using these phrases simply because you don’t want to engage, be truthful, or confront. Learning to speak clearly and honestly with respect for yourself and others will go a long way towards helping you change your perception of yourself and your world.

Affirmation: I will speak with clarity and purpose.

Coaching questions: What limiting terms or phrases do you use? What will you do to limit negative self talk? What difference might changing some of your language make in your life?

Photo by Marina Vitale on Unsplash

Hug a Pup

March 23, 2019March 23, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Dogs leave paw prints on our hearts – Author Unknown

It’s National Puppy Day! Who doesn’t love puppies? Even the word “puppy” makes me smile. I’m not allowed to visit a place where puppies might be available for sale. I’m way to susceptible to buying one and my puppy days are behind me. I’ve had at least five dogs in my life, mostly poodle mixes. Dogs are a delight and also a huge responsibility.

If you’re shopping for a dog, steer away from the puppy mills and consider a shelter. If you’re a dog lover, hug that puppy for me—even if he/she is all grown up.

Affirmation: Pets are precious.

Coaching questions: What do/have your pets mean/meant to you? If you’re grieving after the loss of a beloved pet, who can support you and not belittle your grief?

Photo by Lydia Torrey on Unsplash

How Grateful Are You?

March 21, 2019March 20, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. Melody Beattie, author

Did you know that positive thoughts create pathways in the brain? The more you feel gratitude, the easier it becomes. In addition, you’ll attract more for which to be grateful.

The motherless daughters I spoke with who found the path back to gratitude seemed to have also found a way to move forward in the lives. Expressing gratitude may sound like a cliche but being grateful for even the smallest thing can help you take a step forward.

Think of fresh ways to express your gratitude. Start a gratitude journal, post notes of gratitude to yourself and others, send an email or text thanking a friend for being there for you, show gratitude for good service at the grocery store or restaurant, say thanks to your garbage person, be grateful for waking up to another day.

Affirmation: I am grateful.

Coaching questions/request: How do you show gratitude? When you were at a low point in your life, how did gratitude lift you up? Say thank you to God for His creation, or to a person in your life for their love, or to yourself for being a grateful person.

Namaste – the divine in me honors and thanks the divine in you – I’m grateful for your attention

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Photo by Quentin Keller on Unsplash

Why The Special Olympics Are Special

March 19, 2019March 19, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

We see a world where there is no ‘us’ or ‘them.’ Instead, people of all abilities are treated with dignity and respect and all are welcomed with acceptance and understanding. Special Olympics website

Years ago I had a friend with a son who had mental disabilities. He was a teenager when I met him and had recently participated in the Special Olympics. He proudly showed me his medals and told me how he was already starting to train for next year. From that moment, twenty-eight years ago, I’ve been a supporter of Special Olympics, seeing first hand the difference they made in a young man’s life.

This week the Special Olympics World Games are taking place in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates. Thursday is World Down Syndrome Day. Seven thousand athletes from 170 countries and 24 sports are participating with the help of over 20,000 volunteers. Their ultimate goal is to embrace unity, achievement, and dignity.

Photo by Adrià Crehuet Cano on Unsplash

Celebrating Saint Patrick

March 17, 2019March 17, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Luck is believing you’re lucky. Tennessee Williams

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! If you live in the U.S. or Ireland, chances are you’re celebrating by wearing green, drinking green beer, marching in a parade or, like us, eating corned beef and cabbage.

The patron saint of Ireland, St. Patrick was born in Roman Britain in the late 4th century. When he was sixteen, we was kidnapped and taken to Ireland as a slave. He escaped but returned around 432 A.D. to convert the Irish to Christianity. In his lifetime he established monasteries, churches, and schools. He died March 17, 461.

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

Surviving Rejection

March 15, 2019March 15, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Be strong, be fearless, be beautiful. Believe that anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you. Misty Copeland, American ballet dancer

Not everyday is a good day at my desk. Today my short story was rejected for the Marco Island Writer’s Anthology. I respect the professionalism and expertise of the person who gave me feedback and I will rewrite my short story or start over. Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow but, as a writer, I’ve grown somewhat accustomed to it.

The challenge of rejection is to not lose confidence in myself or my writing—to stay strong and keep pushing forward. Creating art in any form is a tricky business. Going public with my creative process means exposing myself time and again to an audience with a variety of opinions, interests, and levels of expertise. I will take the advise of a ballet dancer. I will stay strong and be fearless.

Affirmation: I will persevere.

Coaching questions: In what ways does rejection affect you? Do you keep moving forward? If not, what support do you need to succeed? Where will you find it?

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Photo by Hudson Hintze on Unsplash

Have You Told Your Story Lately?

March 14, 2019March 14, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

My mother memories that are closest to my heart are the small gentle ones that I have carried over from the days of my childhood. They are not profound, but they have stayed with me through life, and when I am very old, they will still be near. Margaret Sanger, American nurse and activist

As I was leaving the Marco Island Writer’s meeting last night, a man I hadn’t met asked me about my book. When I told him it was Mom’s Gone, Now What? and about moving forward after mother loss, he was quite interested. As we walked out, he said his mother was smart, funny, caring—in short, a wonderful mom. By now we were standing in the cool evening as he told me how she had a stroke and suffered for several years. He was by her side at the end when she awoke from a coma to say lovely last words to him. As he repeated the words, I knew they were his treasure.

This stranger seemed pleased to have an opportunity to tell his mother loss story and I was pleased to hear his precious tale. We went from strangers to friends in the time it took to leave a meeting.

Jerome Bruner, psychologist, wrote, “The eagerness to tell one’s story signals a desire to live.” As we tell our mother loss stories, we affirm, not only our desire to live, but to thrive. We share so others can benefit from our experience and we learn about yourselves in the telling.

Affirmation: I eagerly share my stories.

Coaching questions: When did you last share a story about a meaningful, personal event? What difference did the sharing make to you? What difference did it make to the person you were telling?

Photo by Andreea Popa on Unsplash