Blog

Celebrating Imperfection

by Mershon Niesner

The charm is in the imperfections. Harley Jessup, production designer and art director, Pixar Studios

Harley Jessup was the commencement speaker at the Oregon State University graduation I attended last Saturday. He has won both an Oscar and an Emmy for visual effects and has been a part of movies such as Monster’s, Inc, Coco, Ratatouille. He’s also written and illustrated three children’s books. He talked about how computer effects make edges smooth and perfect…part of his job is to create imperfections, thus making the object or character look authentic. He even said, “I wish there was a degree in imperfection.”

Doesn’t this just make you feel better about that saggy tummy or today’s blemish or those droopy eye lids? I love the notion of embracing our imperfections because they are what make us authentic, real, human.

Affirmation: I embrace my imperfections.

Coaching question: What imperfection will you embrace today…in yourself and in another? What difference will it make?

Triumph Out of Adversity

by Mershon Niesner

Always seek out the seed of triumph in every adversity. Og Mandino,  author of The Greatest Salesman in the World

Bettie D. Gonzalez died of a rare cancer at the age of 38 leaving behind six children ages 7-16. On becoming adults, these children established The Bettie D. Gonzalez Foundation of Hope www.bdghope.org whose mission is to “Empower, Serve and Mentor Motherless Daughters”. This year they awarded twelve $1500 scholarships. In addition, they mentor motherless girls starting at age 14 in the greater Dallas and Detroit areas. Their purpose is to create a legacy that motherless girls who are mentored with wisdom, love and empowerment will one day pass on the same to future generations.

Turning their tragedy into a thriving legacy was a way to triumph over their adversity and a beautiful model for us all.  Thank you Gonzalez family.

Affirmation: I can be triumphant.

Coaching question: In what way can you turn your tragedy into something positive?

 

 

Honoring My Dad

by Mershon Niesner

My father used to say that it’s never too late to do anything you wanted to do. And he said, “You never know what you can accomplish until you try”. Michael Jordan, NBA basketball super star

We are spending Father’s Day in Portland, Oregon following the college graduation of  our grandson, Austin. I’m happy for my husband that he will spend the day with two of his three children and two of his 11 grands. It will be a great day of wine tasting and celebration!

For those of you who know me personally, you know how much my dad meant to me. He raised me from the age of eight and I was blessed with a particularly awesome dad. He was patient and kind, calm and consistent, understanding and forgiving, supportive and firm. He sounds like a saint…he wasn’t…but he was a darn good guy! He died nine years ago at the age of 92. I’ve attempted to take on his role of #1 Nebraska Football Fan and I hope my life honors his.

Affirmation: I honor my dad’s life with my own.

Coaching questions: What did/does your dad mean to you? How has he made a difference in your life? Not all dads are a positive influence. If yours isn’t/wasn’t, how have you dwelt with your circumstances?

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 My Dad, Leon Horn, in his late 80’s.

 

The Rubber Band Effect

by Mershon Niesner

The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived. Robert Jordan, author, The Fires of Heaven, part of the Wheel of Time series

Resilience is the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; a rubber band. In a person, resiliency is the capacity to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, or extreme stress. Why are some people more resilient than others and how can one learn to be more resilient?

People who demonstrate resilience generally have these traits in common: Ability to sustain supportive relationships with family and friends, a strong self-image and confidence in their strengths; they accept that change is a part of living and don’t see crisis as insurmountable. Developing your communication and problem solving skills while practicing good self care will also help to enhance your resilience. Build on your past experiences…trust that what you have survived has made you stronger.

Affirmation: I am resilient.

Coaching questions: What can you do now that will make you more resilient when crisis develop? How have you shown resilience in the past? What did that experience teach you?

 

Survivor’s Pride

by Mershon Niesner

In the final stage of successful mourning, children come to see loss and their ability to survive as part of the same tapestry. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by grief and despair, they are aware of their own strength to manage adversity. Maxine Harris, Ph.D. author of The Loss That Is Forever 

Whether we have profound loss as a child or as an adult, we look forward to the day when we can reorganize ourselves and begin to get on with life. Sometimes we say,  “The worst possible thing that could happen did happen and I survived it. Now I’m going to get back to living a joy-filled life.” 

Sometimes this attitude, Survivor’s Pride, can fortify and strengthen those who are fortunate to have it throughout their lives. People who have had bad things happen to them often come out with deeper compassion and a greater capacity to empathize with the pain of others. 

Affirmation: I am a survivor.

Coaching questions: What has helped or would help you to “reorganize” yourself to the point that you have Survivor’s Pride? What have you gained by having something “bad” happen to you?

Three Coaching Insights

by Mershon Niesner

Coaching helps people get unstuck, move forward, and live a healthier, happier, more productive personal/professional life. Mershon Niesner, CPPC

Ever wonder why there are coaching questions or requests at the end of each blog? I’m a retired, Certified Life Coach and I want to share my expertise. Here are three things I’ve learned while coaching people.

  1. People generally know what they need to do to move forward. Solutions may need to be “teased” out with good questions.
  2. Big changes may start with small steps. Simple requests like, “make your bed everyday” or “buy yourself flowers” have been the beginning of major change.
  3. Most people thrive with accountability. Paying a coach and knowing that they are going to ask how you did during the week, often helps folks stay on target and make progress toward their goals.

Affirmation: I want to grow. personally/professionally.

Coaching questions: What is one thing you want to achieve this week? What step can you take today to move forward? How will your life be different if you reach your goal?

 

On Becoming a Crone

by Mershon Niesner

The Crone is a symbol of inherent wisdom that comes from experience. She has lived through love, sorrow, hope, and fear, coming out of it all a wise and confident spirit. The wisdom of the Crone comes only after learning the lessons of non-judgment and compassion. Google

A Croning Ceremony was held for me when I turned 50. I was in a women’s therapy group and the therapist, Barbra McCoy Getz, LCSW, planned the event. I was asked to write and share the highlights of my life to that point, what I remembered of my mother,  write and read a letter to my mother who had died 42 years earlier. As part of the ceremony, I broke a stick in half, placed the two halves on the floor and walked between them symbolizing my entry into a new phase of  life…that of a Crone or Wise Woman. The ceremony was followed by a party with small gifts from the group including a tiny china tea set. As you can see, I was asked to wear a hat and shawl to set me apart as The Crone.

Since then I have led several ceremonies for other women because I believe in celebrating all stages of life and honoring women as they age.

Affirmation: I embrace all the years I’m privileged to live.

Coaching requests and question: Write three highlights of your life to this point. Share them with someone. What does aging mean to you?

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Ending Well

by Mershon Niesner

While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die. Leonardo da Vinci, Italian polymath (a person of wide-ranging knowledge or learning)

Yesterday I interviewed Jean, a daughter who lost her mother to Alzheimer’s and her step-father to vascular dementia just five days later. He didn’t know his wife had died…in fact he was in a different care facility miles away (she in memory care, he in skilled care). Just before slipping into a final coma, her mother said, “Thank you for everything.” Jean, a CNA, had been her caregiver so her mother would not have to make another move.

I’ve been told several similar stories. Vicki, whose mother had not said a word for two years suddenly looked her daughter in the eye and said, “I love you, Vicki”. These final gifts are precious and give daughters something to cherish as they grieve their loss and beyond.

Affirmation: I accept endings.

Coaching requests and questions: If you have an ending story, recall it now and take comfort in the message. What have you learned about death during your life? How is this informing how you live?

Mental Vitamins

by Mershon Niesner

Affirmations are our mental vitamins, providing the supplementary positive thoughts we need to balance the barrage of negative events and thoughts we experience daily. Tia Walker, American blogger and founder of A-List Diet and Fitness

Yesterday I received an email from a good friend that was an affirmation with enough “mental vitamins” in it to last me for several weeks. He wrote, “Just finished catching up with your blog. I’m always left speechless….and to write such beautiful and deeply meaningful prose.” I can’t bring myself to delete the email yet…his words give me additional energy to keep writing.

I give you, Dear Reader, a daily dose of mental vitamins because I’ve witnessed the power of affirmation. Whether the words come from you to you or from another to you, the power it there. In the climate of our world today, we all need our daily dose of mental vitamins, positive energy, more than ever before.

Affirmation: I have the power and will to affirm myself.

Coaching requests:  Create one affirmation for yourself today…post it for a week. Send or speak an affirmation to another today.

The Joys of Family

by Mershon Niesner

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns, American comedian (1896-1996)

One thing about living at least a thousand miles from my extended family is I really appreciate seeing them. In less than two weeks we have enjoyed many kids, grands and great grands including most of two whole groups at a family wedding. Last night I had dinner followed by a tea party and outing to the park with three grands…this morning, breakfast before church with my son and his family including two little blonde girls. Bliss!

The most heart wrenching event in my life was divorce…yes, even worse than individual death because it was the death of a family. However, 27 years later we are all still intact, just in a different unit. Life is forever changing….sometimes by choice, often by chance. Learning how to be resilient is the key.

Affirmation: I can weather the storms of life.

Coaching questions: What does family mean to you? How do they make a difference in your life? What tools do you have to weather the storms?