Life after losing a mother

Writing Can Be Healing

March 11, 2019March 11, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

While I wouldn’t consider it a viable substitute for therapy and counseling, writing about our painful experiences can cause them to lose their power over us. Srinivas Rao, author and podcast host.

I dedicate this blog to my mom, Winnie (pictured here), who only enjoyed thirty-four years on Earth but has not been forgotten. Writing a book about my mother loss along with the experiences of nearly fifty other daughters, is powerful and healing. The book led to this blog and I hope the blog has made a difference.

In the last year people from over twenty countries have read this blog with over 7,000 views. When I write, I picture some of my dear followers and friends who tell me they read it consistently. They are the impetus to keep going. I don’t want to let them down. I’m not stopping. I will continue to blog, just not every day. Become a follower so you won’t miss out. I’m considering including a “what’s for dinner?” post since I’m a foodie. Stay tuned and thanks for being there.

Affirmation: My writing is powerful.

Coaching questions: What’s in your heart that might be important to write about? How might writing make a difference for you or others?

Admitting Defeat

March 10, 2019March 10, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Blank, blank, and blank. Mershon

I’m one day away from writing a blog everyday for a year and I’m coming up with nothing—nothing! How is this possible? I’ve had a good, or not so good, idea for 364 days in a row and today I can’t think of a thing. Is it the first day of daylight savings that’s causing it? Am I at the bottom of the bucket? Who knew there were only 364 ideas in there?

I promise you that tomorrow I will have something meaty for you. Something that will forever change your life—or not. Probably not something funny as humor is my weak spot but perhaps something personal and spicy. Stay tuned.

Affirmation: I can admit defeat.

Coaching questions: How do you handle situations when you come up lacking? What helps you move forward despite the disappointing behavior? How do you affirm yourself?

Photo by Phil Hearing on Unsplash

How Did You Sleep Last Night?

March 9, 2019March 9, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Sleep is that golden chain that ties health and our bodies together. Thomas Dekker, actor

Sleep, such a boring topic, something we take for granted. However, if you are one of the seventy-nine percent of Americans getting less than the recommended seven to eight hours of sleep each night you need to know how lack of sleep may be affecting you.

Sleep deficiency is linked to an increased risk of heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and stroke. You may also be experiencing weight gain, irritability, depression, impaired short term memory, decreased libido, poor judgment, decreased productivity, and a decreased resistance to viral infections. If you have a goal of better health, start with improving your sleep habits. You’re worth it!

Affirmation: I take care of myself with adequate sleep.

Coaching questions: What’s keeping you from getting a good night’s sleep? It is worth it to change some habits so you can have better health? What are you willing to do? When will you start?

Photo by Katya Austin on Unsplash

Celebrating International Women’s Day

March 8, 2019March 8, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

The story of women’s struggle for equality belongs to no single feminist nor to any one organization but to the collective efforts of all who care about human rights. Gloria Steinem, activist, journalist

International Women’s Day is celebrated every year on March 8th. It is the focal point in the movement for women’s rights and began February 28, 1909 in New York. This year’s theme is BalanceforBetter – building a gender balanced world. Gender balance is essential for economies and communities to thrive.

International Women’s Day celebrates the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. It is also a call to action for accelerating gender balance. Better balance makes for a better world.

Affirmation: I look for ways to create gender balance in my world.

Coaching questions: How has/does gender imbalance affect you and your family? What will you do to help correct the imbalance? How will you educate yourself on this topic?

Why Not All About Death and Dying?

March 7, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. Vicki Harrison, author

You might wonder why a blog called motherloss isn’t all about dying mothers, distressed daughters, or grief. First of all, if that were the case, Dear Reader, I’m sure I would have lost you long ago. Second, I believe that recovery is the focus of any mother loss discussion. Third, recovery is lifelong and all about learning to, once again, live life to the fullest.

For these three reasons, this motherloss blog is about a variety of topics, including grief recovery. As I approach my 365th consecutive blog post, I’m planning to scale back my daily communication. However, I still plan to blog a few days a week on topics related to life; life full and running over. I hope you’ll stick with me. Let me know what’s important to you. Ask questions. Go to the blog site and become a follower. I’m looking forward to another year together.

Affirmation: I strive to live life to the fullest.

Coaching questions: Has this blog been meaningful to you? If it has, please let me know what topics were most important and what might be helpful or interesting in the future. How do you define recovery?

Photo by J W on Unsplash

What Are the Ashes All About?

March 6, 2019March 6, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

You are dust, and to dust you shall return. Genesis 2:7

Today, many Christians throughout the world are celebrating Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Lent is a time when Christians prepare for Easter by exercising spiritual discipline such as fasting, repentance, or study. Ash Wednesday has been observed since the tenth century.

Some denominations place ashes in the form of the cross on parishioners’ foreheads. Ashes are an ancient symbol reminding humans that they are of dust and will return to dust. Through the ashes, we remember our humanity as well as who we are and who we can become.

Affirmation: I affirm those who exercise their faith.

Coaching questions: If you’re a Christian, what does the season of Lent mean to you? If you are not a Christian, I hope this information expanded your understanding of the Lenten season.

Photo by Ahna Ziegler on Unsplash

What Kind of Mother Are You?

March 5, 2019March 5, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

By not paying attention to your body, you are putting it in the same predicament as a neglected child. Deepak Chopra, author

I’ve been writing the story of a friend who was disregarded and emotionally neglected as a child. Mother loss has many faces. Through perseverance, therapy, and a “never give up” spirit, she overcame many of her emotional scars. As I thought about her experiences, I started wondering about the little girl/boy inside us all.

What is that child telling us? When we neglect our bodies by overeating/drinking, not giving our body proper exercise, enough sleep, and limited quiet time, we are neglecting the child within. How our parents took care of us, or how we wish they had taken care, is how we need to take care of ourselves.

Affirmation: I take care of the child within.

Coaching question: If I interviewed your child within, what would he/she say?

Photo by Humphrey Muleba on Unsplash

Throwing Spaghetti

March 4, 2019March 4, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

If you are faced with a mountain, you have several options. You can climb it and cross to the other side, you can go around it, you can dig under it, you can fly over it, you can blow it up, you can ignore it and pretend it’s not there, you can turn around and go back the way you came….or, you can stay on the mountain and make it your home. Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

When I was training to be a Life Coach we had the expression, “Sometimes you have to throw spaghetti against the wall to see what sticks.” Not a pleasant visual but I love the metaphor.

First, life is messy. Second, success comes from trying a variety of options to discover what works best. Third, have fun along the way. And last, clean up the messes you make.

Affirmation: I will throw spaghetti.

Coaching questions: What decision do you need to make that requires looking at options? What will you try to see if it sticks?

Photo by Heather Ford on Unsplash

Creating Happy Days

March 3, 2019March 3, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be. Abraham Lincoln

Today is my husband’s birthday. I wish him good health and happiness for the coming year. What does that mean exactly? We get the health part but what about happiness? Some think happiness is something we can use up. Others think happiness is the result of more…more money, more fame, more stuff. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Contentment or happiness is the result of many things including our environment, habits, behaviors, and decisions. It is also the result of learning to create a good day for ourselves. As we consistently choose to be happy, the amount of happiness we experience can improve over time and we will be better able to address problems as they arise. Happy Birthday, Ken!

Affirmation: I know how to create a good day for myself.

Coaching questions: What makes you happy? How do you create your own happiness? What will you do to bring more happiness into your life?

Photo by Christopher Martyn on Unsplash

On Openness and Honesty

March 2, 2019March 2, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything. C.S. Lewis, author

Death and dying are difficult topics to discuss but honest discussion is critical for our well being. As I interviewed women who had lost their mothers, one of the most important recovery factors was honesty from the father and other caregivers. Secret-keeping was one of the most destructive.

Darcy Krause, Executive Director at Uplift Center for Grieving Children, writes, “Clinicians consistently emphasize the importance of relaying accurate, honest information to a child about a parent or loved one’s illness in terms the child can understand developmentally. This lays the groundwork for the child’s healthy grief processing.”

Perhaps you experienced the damaging affects of secret-keeping. Now, it’s your turn. You can change this destructive family dynamic and have open dialogue with your loved ones on this important topic.

Affirmation: I speak opening about death and dying.

Coaching questions: What’s your experience around death and dying discussions? How were/are you affected? What do you want to change (if anything)? How might open dialogue make a difference in your family?

Photo by Abi Lewis on Unsplash