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We Are Family

by Mershon Niesner

You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them. Desmond Tutu

My daughter, Winnie, and her three daughters arrive today from New York City for a visit. Her husband will join them tomorrow. It’s their first visit to our beautiful island and we will have a great time swimming, beach combing, and dolphin exploring. 

I’ve recently discovered another member of my larger family through the DNA testing 234andMe. Leah is a young woman adopted from Russia and is 92% Russian. She lives in Ohio and is a very distant cousin. As an only child with few relatives, it’s exciting to meet a new relation. When you think about it, we are all related at some level. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could embrace each other and take a “beach day?”

Affirmation: Family means so much.

Coaching questions: Who do you call family? What do they mean to you? Are you open to newcomers? This week, tell a family member what they mean to you.

 

Let Your Habits Be Your Servants

by Mershon Niesner

’Tis easier to prevent bad habits than to break them. Benjamin Franklin

About forty percent of our daily life is habitual action. Brushing our teeth, making our bed, drinking coffee, going for a morning walk, checking social media. When, where, what and how much we eat and even how we interact with our friends and family—all largely based on habits. According to Gretchen Rubin, author of Better Than Before: Mastering the Habit of Our Everyday Lives, “Habit is a good servant but a bad master.” Habits can help us make positive change but they can also be saboteurs of our progress.

Often the most effective way to adopt a new habit is to replace a bad one with a better one. Diverting a river is better than damming it up. Watch for triggers that might set you back including boredom and stress. Commit to at least sixty days to establish a new habit. 

Affirmation: I can change my habits.

Coaching questions: What bad habit would you like to change? What good habit would you like to develop? What difference will it make in your life? Is the change powerful enough to pull you through sixty days of establishing a new path? Commit to it. You can do this!

Is Your “Baggage” Packed Away or Scattered?

by Mershon Niesner

Keeping baggage from the past will leave no room for happiness in the future. Wayne Misner, author

Maria Kondo, 34, is a Japanese organizing consultant, author, and host of Netflix show Tidying Up. Her books have sold millions and have been translated into many languages. Apparently, clutter has no geographical boundaries. Kondo says, “When you put your house in order, you put your affairs and your past in order too. As a result, you can see quite clearly what you need in life and what you don’t, and what you should and shouldn’t do.” 

As a Life Coach, I find Kondo’s theory somewhat simplistic. I applaud the “getting rid of clutter” aspect. However, from my experience, a tidy house does not equate to a tidy mind. Clearing up the dark spaces, clutter, and cobwebs of our past takes dedicated internal work—frequently with a therapist, counselor, or coach. A clutter-free environment is a great first step. After that is accomplished, keep walking the, sometimes difficult, road to finding peace in your heart, mind, and soul.

Affirmation: I am working on me and my environment.

Coaching questions: What will you do to put your external and internal house in order? What’s one step you will take this week?

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Tell Your Story to Another Lonesome Animal

by Mershon Niesner

We are lonesome animals. We spend all of our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say—and to feel—‘Yes, that is the way it is, or at least that is the way I feel.’  You’re not as alone as you thought. John Steinbeck, author

Sharing your mother loss story with a trusted person is a first step towards recovery. Not only does sharing important stories from our past help us feel less lonesome, as Steinbeck says, it also helps us move forward after challenging life events. As a friend listens, nods, understands, and perhaps, relates to our story, we feel validated. We begin to understand how our experience was not only meaningful to us but also to another person. 

Invite storytelling into groups in which you participate. Use a Getting to Know You question or share a story related to the topic at hand. This can happen in book clubs, Bible studies, planning committees, wherever caring people congregate. Tell your stories and invite others to do the same. 

Affirmation: I benefit from telling my story.

Coaching questions: To whom can you tell your story? What difference will it make?

 

You Won’t Believe What I Just Did…

by Mershon Niesner

I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. Augusten Burroughs, American writer

I find people who can laugh at themselves very attractive. Self-deprecating individuals have enough self-esteem to make fun of their flaws, speak  honesty, and make me laugh. While these folks are tickling my funny bone, they are doing something good for themselves as well. Experts link self-deprecating humor with increased levels of optimism and an opportunity to be perceived as more lovable and approachable.

Laughing at ourselves introduces a little cheer into our otherwise serious world and lets others know it’s okay to be imperfect.

Affirmation: I can laugh at myself.

Coaching questions: Do you have a personal flaw or social faux pas story you tell on yourself? How do people respond to you? How do you perceive people who can laugh at themselves?

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If You’re a Romantic–Don’t Read This

by Mershon Niesner

Much like love itself, St. Valentine and his reputation as the patron saint of love are not matters of verifiable history, but of faith. Lisa Bitel, Professor of History and Religion

Today, in the United States and England, people are celebrating Valentine’s Day, known as the day of love. However, Valentine’s Day began as a feast to celebrate the decapitation of a third-century Christian martyr, or perhaps two. St. Valentine wasn’t a patron of love. In fact, there were several Valentinus saints over the years, none of whom were particularly romantic.

According to historians, the romance part started with Chaucer, author of The Canterbury Tales who wrote about birds mating in February. Soon, nature-minded European nobility began sending love notes during bird-mating season. Industrialization took over by mass-producing cards and then Hersey and Cadbury stepped into the picture. And, as they say, the rest is history—or not.

Affirmation: I celebrate love.

Coaching question: How do you handle things that aren’t as they seem? 

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Connecting Heart to Heart Worldwide

by Mershon Niesner

It may be long before the law of love will be recognized in international affairs. The machineries of government stand between and hide the hearts of one people from those of another. Gandhi

I want to give a shout out to my international blog readers and followers. Just this month I’ve had visitors from Ireland, South Africa, Canada, Costa Rica, United Kingdom, Germany, India, Finland, and Slovenia, to name a few. This international readership motivates me to write in a universal language with topics of interest to readers from different cultures, governments, faiths. 

Thank you, my international friends, for your interest in what this seventy-three-year-old grandma in southwest Florida, USA has to say. I pray that this experience is a microcosm of what the world can be for all. With our governments pushed aside, we can continue to open our hearts to one another. 

Affirmation: I embrace the world.

Coaching questions: What keeps you connected to the larger world? What difference does it make? 

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Girlfriends, chocolate, champagne

by Mershon Niesner

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it’s a friend with chocolate. Charles Dickens

Girlfriends, chocolate, and champagne—what a great combination! This afternoon I’m going to a Smoking Pots (my cooking group) event. Each of us brings a dish made from our favorite chocolate recipe and the hostess provides the champagne. Good menu.

I’m bringing Ina Garten’s, aka Barefoot Contessa, French Chocolate Bark. It’s a heavenly mixture of dark chocolate, cashews, and dried fruits including crystalized ginger. An early Valentine Day’s treat. 

Affirmation: Having fun and a little chocolate is good for me.

Coaching questions: What’s your favorite chocolate recipe? What would you like to do for fun this week? Get to it!

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Stop Pursuing Happiness

by Mershon Niesner

Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. Helen Keller, author

Why were over forty women willing to tell me their sad tale of mother loss? Their universal response was because they wanted their experience to make a difference to another person. Telling me their story and having it become a part of a book gave their loss meaning—and meaning gives us happiness. 

Happiness can’t be pursued, it’s the side effect of dedication to the pursuit of something meaningful beyond our own gratification. This is why creating something to share—a painting, a garden, a book, an afghan, a festive meal, etc—gives us pleasure. This is why volunteering at the school, hospital, church, etc—gives us pleasure. Stop pursuing happiness and begin to look for the meaning in your life. 

Affirmation: I find happiness in meaningful experiences. 

Coaching question: Where do you find meaning and purpose in your life? 

 

What’s Your Challenge?

by Mershon Niesner

What we hope ever to do with ease, we must learn first to do with diligence. Samuel Johnson, eighteenth century writer

In one month and two days, I will have posted a blog for 365 consecutive days. I challenged myself to do this so I could become a better writer, share ideas that are important to me, and add to my marketing platform. Thank you, Dear Readers and Followers, for encouraging me and my journey worthwhile.

I believe that writing is a learned skill. Perhaps some people have more natural writing ability than others just as some are better at numbers or visual arts or mechanics. However, I believe what Dr. Johnson said centuries ago, diligence is the key to success in whatever we choose to do. Putting one foot in front of the other, day after day. Writing isn’t glamorous. Many days it requires slogging through word after word, sentence after sentence of ideas you joyfully expressed months or years ago to bring them to perfection. In other words, more than anything else, it takes diligence.

Affirmation: I am diligent.

Coaching questions: What success have you experienced through pure diligence? What would you like to do next? Exercise your diligence muscle and you can accomplish your goals.