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What’s Your Bitter-Sweet Story?

by Mershon Niesner

I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending. Fred Rogers

I know New Year is on the horizon but if feels like the joy, beauty, busy-ness, stress, over-eating of the holidays is mostly over. Tomorrow we’re heading home to Florida to re-enter our normal life. I’ve loved the familiar story of the holiday season as we now know it. I’ve adjusted to not seeing my biological family on Christmas Day and enjoy spending that time with my step-kids, grands, and great-grands. I’m still not quite accepting of not being able to host Christmas as I did for most of my life but I appreciate the adult children who have graciously stepped up to the task. 

Endings are bitter sweet. Saying good-bye to those I love who I only see once or twice a year, leaving behind that sweet great-grand baby in the photo who we will barely recognize the next time we see her is difficult. But, I’m looking forward to returning to our beautiful home, warm weather, sunshine, dear friends, and a myriad of activities I love. 

Affirmation: I embrace the bitter sweetness of endings.

Coaching questions: What is the story of your holiday season? Are you ready for the familiar ending? What are you excited about in 2019? 

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Are You Lonely?

by Mershon Niesner

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Old African proverb

John Cacioppo, American neuroscientist and author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, argues that loneliness developed for important evolutionary reasons: to remind us that as social beings we must seek the company of others. Societies and individuals who drift into disconnection are fostering problems for the future. Twice as unhealthy as obesity, loneliness poses a significant health risk. Men are particularly vulnerable with nearly half of all men over 50 suffering from severe loneliness. This figure is expected to rise by 50% in the next fifteen years. 

For me, being motherless at a young age and living in a family of two, satisfying as it was, motivated me to broaden my relationships. It also taught me how to enjoy my own company—to be alone without being lonely. Though I’ve been motherless, divorced and widowed, I’ve rarely felt lonely. Like hobbies and physical activity, fostering the skill of making friends is developed when we need it the least. Friendship/relationships require attention. Similar to keeping your muscles strong, without effort and attention, relationship atrophy can easily set it and along with it loneliness. 

Affirmation: I am not alone.

Coaching questions: What are you doing now to keep loneliness at bay in the future? If you are lonely, what’s one step you will take today to feel less so—call an old friend, attend a social event, reach out to a neighbor, volunteer with others? 

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Peace To The World

by Mershon Niesner

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace. Agnes M. Pharo, author

On this Christmas morning, I truly hope that someday every path will lead to peace. For Christians the world over, today has significance beyond the gifts and glitter. Jesus’ birth and life are about love—God’s love for His creation.

Although it is a sad, even heart-breaking, day for many, I hope, Dear Readers, you will find a slice of love and joy in your life today. Please know that if you’re grieving, sad, or lonely— I’m thinking of you and I’m wishing you a Very Blessed Christmas!

Affirmation: Someone cares about me.

Coaching questions: What will you do to acknowledge your sadness while celebrating joy in the world? This is one day out of 365. What will tomorrow be like? 

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From my house to yours, Merry Christmas!

Hark, a Welkin Rings!

by Mershon Niesner

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace…” Luke 2:14

Hark! The herald angels sing, (the next three lines are quoted from the Bible)

“Glory to the new-born King; 

Peace on earth and mercy mild, 

God and sinners reconciled!”

Using Luke 2 as a reference point, this traditional hymn was written in 1739.  Theologian, Charles Wesley originally wrote it as “Hark how all the welkin rings!” Welkin is an archaic English term referring to the sky or the firmament of the heavens. George Whitefield, a preacher and Wesley’s friend, thankfully made the appropriate changes. Wesley scholar, Dr. Ted Campbell wrote, “I have wondered if anybody but Charles knew what a welkin was supposed to be.” 

As I sing this precious carol tonight, I want to consider the words and their meaning. I want to proclaim what the angels said and hold fast to the hope for peace on earth, mercy for all, and reconciliation between myself, a sinner, and my God. 

Affirmation: Peace on earth!

Coaching question: What is your favorite carol? What does it mean to you? 

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Shining a Light On Suicide

by Mershon Niesner

Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death for all Americans. More than 45,000 people took their own lives in 2016 in the U.S.—more than twice the number of homicides. Among people ages 15 to 34, suicide is the second-leading cause of death. Center Disease Control

Suicide remains a taboo subject. Just as cancer rose out of secrecy to public focus, so must suicide. To be clear, the suicide rate does not increase during the holidays as often reported but it is a time when families gather and discussions can happen. 

If you have a friend or relative who is in deep distress, make a personal connection with them. Don’t be afraid to ask if they are thinking about suicide. Ask them to talk about what they are going through and what brought them to considering suicide. Paraphrase their answers back to them so they know you’re listening. You can’t fix another person but you can help them get through the moment.

Affirmation: I can help another.

Coaching question/request: How would you speak with a person who you suspect is in deep distress or contemplating suicide? If you are thinking of suicide, call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 now. 

The Wow of Now

by Mershon Niesner

The naked now, the one without frills, the one that was always here, just wasn’t as interesting as what could be, what should be, and what I wanted to be. Geneen Roth, author of This Messy Magnificent Life

Like many of us, Geneen admits that for several years she lived a life of “if only.” Perhaps you too have thought, “If only I was thin, if only I could find love, if only I had a better job, a bigger house—if only I had a mom.” We become entranced with the belief that happiness is in the future or in changing the past. 

Eventually, Geneen learned to not only want, but really love, the now more than the possibilities of the future. She writes, “The pull of drama (the what ifs) still compels me, but the love of showing up where I am is bigger.” This morning, my children, grandchildren, husband, and I celebrated Jesus’ birth with gifts, laughter, love, birthday cake, ice cream, hats, and poppers. Believe me, I was fully in the naked now!

Affirmation: I choose to live in the now.

Coaching questions: What will motivate you to take a foot out of the past or future and move into the now? What difference will it make in your quality of life?

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It’s About the White Spaces

by Mershon Niesner

It’s about the white spaces between the paragraphs, which I think are more important than any of the text. It allows you to think about what’s just been said. Fred Rogers, American television personality and much, much more

As a Life Coach, I was trained to recognize and encourage the white spaces during coaching sessions. The times when a question is asked and there is a long pause. I learned to be still, let the responder think, and perhaps become uncomfortable with the silence. The same is true in writing. Without paragraphs or chapters breaks the magnitude of words would overwhelm us. It’s about the white space.

I’ve designed the affirmation and coaching questions in this blog to add white space. Say the affirmation aloud, sit with it a moment. Consider the coaching questions. Do they apply to you? Read them and be still to see what resonates. Being quiet is an important aspect of mental health and personal growth. Allow your body, soul, mind, and God to speak to you. Be still and listen.

Affirmation: I honor the stillness.

Coaching question/request: How do you view the white spaces in your life? Take a moment right now and be still. 

Honoring the Past

by Mershon Niesner

I am bound to them, though I cannot look into their eyes or hear their voices. I honor their history. I cherish their lives. I will tell their story. I will remember them. Author unknown

In 1990, our home was robbed. The burglars took nearly all of my regular and heirloom jewelry (five pillow cases full) and all of our electronics. Because of this event, I have only a few precious things that belonged to my mother and grandmother who both died in their 30’s. With granddaughters of my own growing up, it’s time to begin to pass on these few heirlooms.

Even though they never knew these women, I want my children and grandchildren to remember them, know their stories, and honor their history. This Christmas I’m passing on a little ring stored in the finger of a leather glove that belonged to my mother and, perhaps, her mother. It is for my oldest granddaughter, Kavita. Her mother, my daughter, is named for these two women. May the ring be a symbol to help her remember the past.

Affirmation: I remember.

Coaching questions: What helps you remember the past? What will you do to pass the memories on? 

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Three Steps to Help You Handle Procrastination

by Mershon Niesner

Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him. Charles Dickens

According to Piers Steel (love that name), author of The Procrastination Equation, about 95 percent of people admit to putting off work at one time or another (perhaps the other 5 percent didn’t complete the survey). It’s a good guess that many of us procrastinate with checking social media, surfing the net, or watching television. Here are three suggestions to help you re-wire your procrastinating brain.

  1. Just begin. Duh, that’s the obvious part we can’t seem to get to. Let go of your expectations and judgments and just begin. Give yourself a specific start time. Set aside outcomes for now and start the task in a messy way.
  2. Take a timed break. This may seem counterproductive but if you know you’re going to get a break eventually, it will help you get started. “If I work on my book for an hour, I can read someone else’s for ten minutes.” Set a timer if necessary so you don’t go down a rabbit hole.
  3. CYA. Celebrate your accomplishments. Don’t expect others to pat you on the back. Give yourself credit for overcoming procrastination and completing, or at least starting, a task. Procrastination is usually a response to the unpleasant feelings associated with a task. Rewire your brain for a positive message.

Affirmation: I can overcome procrastination.

Coaching questions: What are you procrastinating about right now? Get off the internet and get to it! (I’m glad you read my blog first) 

Don’t Be Blind-Sighted By Bubble-Ups

by Mershon Niesner

So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good. Helen Keller

A woman I spoke with who had lost her mother years ago called her sudden memories of her mother “bubble-ups.” One bubble-up for her was, “My mother had many friends, sometimes I wonder where they were after she died.” One of my bubble-ups is when the University of Nebraska football team takes the field. In that moment, I can’t help but shed a tear because I feel the presence of my beloved dad.

We are frequently blind-sighted by our bubble-ups. A memory suddenly assails us and brings tears, anger, or guilt. Be patient with yourself as the memory comes and goes. “Tis the season for bubble-ups.

Affirmation: I accept my memories as they come. 

Coaching questions: What “bubble-ups” have you experienced? How have you handled them? If necessary, reframe them from annoying to precious.