Blog

Avoid the Christmas Worry Loop

by Mershon Niesner

The fact that a waiter can more easily recall incomplete orders than served ones is called the Zeigarnik effect, named for the Russian psychologist who did the study. A later study showed that people are 90% more likely to remember undone tasks than those they completed. However, if you tell your brain when you’ll complete a task, it will kill the worry loop. 

This is why I love lists. Once I get the menu for a party on a list, map out when each course will be prepared, the day for shopping, and timing for the party, the event seems less daunting. Christmas lists work the same way. With nineteen grandkids and four greats, I have a Christmas Gift Book. I list each family, the amount of money to be spent on each adult and child then I begin to fill in ideas and purchases. I like to have the process well underway before Thanksgiving. My gift buying is now complete and my wrapping day is scheduled. I remind myself that I’m nearly done so my brain can relax and not be burdened with the undone tasks ahead. 

Affirmation: Dear Brain, we got this!

Coaching question/requests: What techniques do you use to keep out of the worry loop? Remember to tell your brain when you’ll complete a task. Enjoy these last days before Christmas.

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Pay Attention!

by Mershon Niesner

If we don’t consciously choose where we want to direct our attention, there will always be something in our path to misdirect it. Linda Stone, writer and consultant

Stone coined the phrase “continuous partial attention,” the idea that we pay partial attention continuously out of a desire to not miss anything. We are constantly on the lookout for something more interesting than what’s before us. In an age of endless distraction, paying attention to any one person, idea, or task at a time can be challenging.

Taking a moment between tasks will help you strength your attention factor. Deliberate rest will also recharge your energy. I’ve noticed that when I take a break from writing or other tasks, I return with renewed energy and focus. Time away is not lost productivity but the opposite. At this busy time of the year, take a break, a deep breath, and recharge so you can give your full attention to the people and events you treasure. 

Affirmation: I pay attention.

Coaching questions: What’s distracting you? What keeps you from giving tasks, friends or loved ones your full attention? What will you do to remedy your continuous partial attention? 

Taking a Risk

by Mershon Niesner

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. Helen Keller

Eighteen years ago today I met my husband, Ken. He was 57, I was 55 and we met on match.com. Today, meeting in cyberspace may not be unusual but in 2000, it was a “You met him where!!?” kind of thing. We were both recent widowers looking for a companion for dinner or a movie during the long Illinois winter. 

Our meeting was risky. We were perfect strangers, meeting in cyberspace, talking a few times on the phone, then sitting down face to face at a neighborhood restaurant. We were willing to have a daring adventure. We married two years later and are living happily in paradise on sunny Marco Island. Sometimes you just have to embrace the adventure. 

Affirmation: I am adventurous.

Coaching questions: What is an adventure you’d like to embrace? What’s holding you back? How might your life be different if you took a chance? 

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Five Eating Tips For the Holidays

by Mershon Niesner

Mindful eating is about awareness. When you eat mindfully, you slow down, pay attention to the food you’re eating, and savor every bite. Dr. Susan Albers, author, psychologist

My husband and I have a couple of Christmas parties this weekend so I’ve been thinking about how to cope with the party food. So much sugar, carbs, fat, alcohol. Yikes! Here are a few tips I’ve found:

  1. Don’t show up hungry. Eat something nutritious before the party and you’ll be less tempted.
  2. Be clear about your health goals. Now is a good time to review your plan—lose weight, lower sugar consumption. What’s your intention?
  3. Align your actions with your goals. Spur-of-the-moment food choices are made when you forget what it is you want and do the opposite.
  4. Stay hydrated. Drinking water positively affects your overall health, your cognitive function, concentration and alertness. 
  5. Enjoy. When you do indulge, notice what it is you are eating, be mindful of the texture, taste, smell, and  enjoy the experience. 

Affirmation: I eat mindfully.

Coaching questions: What’s your holiday eating plan? What will you do to enjoy the season and take care of your health at the same time? 

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Relief From Fear

by Mershon Niesner

And the angel said unto them, “Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. Luke 2:10

God commands us to not be afraid. He doesn’t suggest it, he commands it, over and over in the Bible. Luke 2 is the message of the angel to the shepherds on the night of Jesus’ birth. They had just seen a great light—-scary for a bunch of kids alone at night out in the fields. 

Life is scary sometimes and the feelings of fear are part of what has kept humans alive over the centuries. But most of our fears are unfounded and we need to remind ourselves to “Fear not!” It helps if there is something after the phrase. In scripture, God offers hope or a solution to those who are fearful. Simply telling yourself to not be afraid isn’t enough. Fill in the next statement, because _________. This will take you to the heart of your fear enabling you to move on.

Affirmation: I will fear not (when appropriate).

Coaching questions/request: What is causing you to feel fearful? What will help you take the command, Fear Not!, to heart? Say to yourself, fear not, ____________ (fill in with the help that will come, the reality of the situation, or simply I can get through this.)

The Gift of Generosity

by Mershon Niesner

True generosity is an offering; given freely and out of pure love. No strings attached. No expectations. Time and love are the most valuable possessions you can share. Suze Roman, author, financial advisor

’Tis the season of giving. There are “duty gifts” and “love gifts.” We give both. The greatest gifts are those given freely with no attachment. No expectations. As Suze says, true generosity is an offering. I take this to mean offering as in the biblical sense, a sacrifice. 

Humans are inherently insecure creatures. The accumulation of things offers us a sense of security. This is why giving generously out of love gives us such a feeling of satisfaction and joy. In addition to all those duty gifts you’re buying, consider giving at least one love gift with no strings attached. Spent your money, your time, or use your talents—all are gifts. 

Affirmation: I give out of love.

Coaching questions: What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? What’s the best gift you’ve ever given? What gift of love will you give this season?

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Using Creativity to Help Heal Your Broken Heart

by Mershon Niesner

Experiencing overwhelming pain doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to sketch new thoughts or paint new memories. Pain can be as transformative as the art on a torn canvas. Jess, blogger Visit her blog at https://outoftheashes33.wordpress.com

After suffering the loss of her sister and mother, Jess started writing about her personal journey. She writes on her blog, “I found my voice, I found my truth, but most importantly, I found healing in the words that were flowing from my soul.”

Whether we write, paint, make cards, cook, refinish furniture, garden—creativity seems to be one part of the process to heal our broken hearts. In my book Mom’s Gone, Now What?, creativity claims a chapter as one answer the Now What? question. Jess has found relieve and the beginnings of recovery through her writing. She writes from raw feelings and the deep emotion of a broken heart that is healing.

Affirmation: I can use creativity to heal.

Coaching questions: What’s a creativity endeavor you enjoy? How might you use it in your healing process? 

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Exchanging Perfection for Good-Enough

by Mershon Niesner

More smiling, less worrying. More compassion, less judgment. More blessed, less stressed. More love, less hate. Roy T Bennett, author

Are you striving to replicate the perceived “perfect” Christmas of your childhood for your grand children? Perhaps you want to impress your in-laws or not be judged by them. Maybe good-enough just doesn’t measure up to your personal desire to control the situation and make everything exactly right. 

It’s that time of the month to ask yourself, “What can I let go of?” Do I really have to make Aunt Susie’s rum balls? Who will I disappoint if I don’t? Accept the reality of not pleasing everyone so you can take care of yourself during this busy time. Loosen your attachment to an idealized past and create a good-enough holiday. Yourself will thank you and so will your children or grandchildren when you’re present for them and not a stress-out mess!

Affirmation: I can accept good-enough.

Coaching questions: If you’re stressed out right now, consider what you might delete from your activities, menu, gift-giving. What does a good-enough holiday look like?

Ask Yourself These Three Questions

by Mershon Niesner

We know so many things but we don’t know ourselves. Go into your own ground and learn to know yourself there.  Meister Eckhart, German theologian

Naikan is a Japanese word meaning “inside looking” or “introspection.” Naikan, used as a method of self-reflection, was developed by Japanese Buddhist, Yoshioto Ishin. The Naikan approach broadens our view of reality and helps us heal the past. Naikan reflection is based on three questions:

What have I received from __________?

What have I given to ____________?

What troubles and difficulties have I caused __________?

These questions will help you reflect on your relationships and see them from all sides. They can be helpful in the process of forgiveness, understanding, and a reality check on your own behavior.

Affirmation: I’m willing to look inside.

Coaching question/request: Take 20 minutes and reflect on these questions. Consider using them as prompts in a daily meditation. What difference might the answers make in your life?

Discovering the Heart of Change

by Mershon Niesner

Conversation is the currency of change. Margaret Wheatley, American author

In a time when there is great division in our country and around the world, conversation is paramount. Change happens when “the other” has a name, a face, and is willing to honestly share his or her views. You may still have differing opinions. However, when there is conversation, there is the possibility of relationship, understanding, and change.

It’s comforting to gather with like-minded friends and colleagues. It’s a growth opportunity to expose oneself to diverse ideas, cultures, ages, life-styles. 

Affirmation: I want to be in conversation.

Coaching questions: In the past, what conversations have helped you change and grow? What conversation do you need to have today?