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Judgment Detox

by Mershon Niesner

You may not be able to avoid judgmental thoughts but you can teach yourself to dismiss them. Gabrielle Bernstein, author of Judgment Detox: Release the Beliefs That Hold You Back From Living a Better Life. (information taken from Experience Life magazine)

I admit it. I’m one of those people who struggles with a judgmental attitude.  Bernstein speaks to me when she writes, “Judgment is a reliable little crutch when we feel hurt, insecure, or vulnerable. When we judge others, we feel better than them–smarter, savvier, more enlightened etc.” She goes on to say, however, that after the “high” we may feel the stress of guilt and the energy drain of inner turmoil.

We may not be able to rid ourselves of judgment–and at times discernment is healthy—but we can look deeper to find the root cause that lies beneath the pattern. When you begin this detox, as Bernstein calls it, you will feel less comfortable with gossip and negativity, clues that you’re on the right path.

Affirmation: I can curtail my judgmental nature.

Coaching questions: If you’re a judgmental person, what steps can you take to detox? What is the root cause of your judgmental nature? How will being less judgmental bring greater health and happiness to your life?

 

On Being Silly

by Mershon Niesner

If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done. Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian-British philosopher

Sometimes it feels good to do something silly or at least appreciate someone else’s silliness. I took this photo several months ago in Goodland, Florida whose motto is, “We are a drinking village with a fishing problem.” They also have a Mullet Festival featuring the Buzzard Lope Queen. They love silliness.

Being silly isn’t particularly in my nature but I do appreciate a good laugh. I like Ludwig’s opinion that silliness leads to intelligent action. Silliness keeps our brain fresh, our creativity alive, our funny bone front and center. I’m looking for an opportunity to be silly. Any suggestions?

Affirmation: I can be silly.

Coaching questions: What’s something silly you’re done recently? How did it feel? What’s next?

 

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Eleven Important Words

by Mershon Niesner

The art of living well and the art of dying well are one. Epicurus, Greek philosopher

When someone we know is gravely ill or dying, we often wonder what to say. We feel our words are inadequate for the gravity of the situation. I’d suggest you start with these eleven words: Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.

When my late husband, Keith, left for the gym on August 10, 2000, he left a message on a recording devise saying where he was going and “I love you.” An hour later, at age 53, he was dead. Keep current with what you need to say to those you love.

Affirmation: I acknowledge the people I love.

Coaching questions: Do you have any unfinished business with your loved ones? If that person died tomorrow, what would you say to them today? Do it!

 

 

Burn Out The Pain

by Mershon Niesner

Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. Joseph Campbell, American Professor of Literature 

Using joy to “burn out the pain” makes me think of cauterization, the act of burning with heat or a chemical substance to stop an infection. Ongoing emotional pain can show up like an infection, causing physical and psychological harm.

Finding a place of joy may be difficult but remembering the good times, focusing on the loved one who died rather than yourself, gathering with friends to have fun, cooking a lovely dinner, going for a walk, may be the beginning. Find something that gives you a moment of joy and feel the pain begin to burn away.

Affirmation: I can find joy.

Coaching question: What gives you a sense of joy? How can you use this joy to burn away your pain?

Living Longer and Better

by Mershon Niesner

Each member knows that her friends count on her as much as she counts on her friends. Klazuko Manna, Moai group member, excerpted from Blue Zones newsletter

The Blue Zone project on longevity has proven that elders in Okinawa, Japan live extraordinarily better and longer lives than almost anyone else in the world. Moai, one of their longevity traditions, are social support groups they start in childhood and continue throughout their life…sometimes for nearly 100 years! Members  gather in these lifelong support groups daily or weekly.

Several years ago I started a similar group (we weren’t children but we were committed to meeting weekly) called Girl Talk God Talk. We became a true sisterhood. When I moved, I started another GTGT group which has quickly become as strong. I’ve maintained ties with my first group and know in my heart that any of my GTGT friends, whether near or far, would do anything for me….it’s a wonderful feeling.

Affirmation: I have support from friends.

Coaching question and suggestion: Do you have a group you can count on? If not, and would like to start one, contact me for information. A committed group that meets regularly not only brings you joy but possibly a longer, healthier life.

Music and Memories – In Honor of Aretha Franklin

by Mershon Niesner

Music does a lot of things for a lot of people. It’s transporting, for sure. It can take you right back, years back, to the very moment certain things happened in your life. It’s up-lifting. It’s encouraging. It’s strengthening. Aretha Franklin, American singer and songwriter, the Queen of Soul.

If we’re ever caught off guard and suddenly brought back to grief, a certain song is frequently the culprit. I was too young when my mother died for certain songs to be a trigger. Although I remember that my parents loved the album, My Funny Valentine. 

I do have a grief trigger song for my former husband, Keith, who died ten months after we were married. Our wedding song, The Prayer, was released March, 1999, our wedding was in October. We played the version sung by Andre Bocelli and Celion Dion…. “Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace, to a place where we’ll be safe.” Nearly twenty years later, this song still elicits happy as well as sad memories. Music, like smell, is a powerful memory stimulant.

Affirmation: I treasure my music memories.

Coaching questions: Are there songs that elicit memories of your loved ones? How do you respond when you hear them? 

Advice For The Ages

by Mershon Niesner

In your actions, don’t procrastinate. In your conversations, don’t confuse. In your thoughts, don’t wander. In your soul, don’t be passive or aggressive. In your life, don’t be all about business. Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor from 121 to 180 AD

For an ancient guy, Marcus gives us some good advice. Procrastination, confusion, unfocused thoughts and passive/aggressive behavior all keep us from being our best selves. I’m wondering what his experience was to cause him to say, “don’t be all about business.”

In our current 24/7 working environment where we walk around with a computer on our wrist or in our purse, it is tempting to be all about business. And yet, the conventional wisdom talks about how no one ever talks about business on their death bed. Dying people talk about relationships…those they love, those they want to forgive, and those they will miss most. 

Affirmation: I lead a balanced life.

Coaching questions: How’s your life balance? If there is room for improvement, what’s one thing you will change?

Tokens of Our Past

by Mershon Niesner

I have over five thousand costumes and props and cars, and I have a twenty-five thousand square foot warehouse full of memorabilia. Debbie Reynolds, actress

Unlike Debbie, I’m not a collector of stuff.  I do, however, always wear a diamond ring that belonged to my grandmother and my mother, both died in their 30’s, both were named Winnifred (my mom was called Winnie).

I wear the ring because I love it, because it keeps me connected to my ancestors, and it’s one of the few things I own that belonged to these lovely ladies. Twenty-five years ago I had all of my heirloom jewelry stolen. This ring survived because it was on my finger and I keep it there in fear of losing it. What special remembrance pieces do you value?

Affirmation: I honor my ancestors.

Coaching questions: Is there something that belonged to someone in your past that is especially meaningful to you? Why is it important? Take a moment to think about the connection.

Pen To Paper

by Mershon Niesner

What a lot we lost when we stopped writing letters (cards). You can’t reread a phone call (email/text). Liz Carpenter, writer, reporter, feminist

I’m one of those old fashioned people who still sends cards that require stamps. Judy, my creative friend, makes and sells custom-made cards. I send her a list of names each quarter and she mails me the beautiful, cards like those in the photo below.

Like Ms. Carpenter, I do like to reread, and occasionally save, special cards. I appreciate the time it takes to buy, address, stamp, and mail a card. The gift is in the effort every bit as much as it is in the message. Sympathy cards seem most important. In the midst of grief, calls are often forgotten (although they are important too), but cards can be treasured months later when the fog has lifted.

Affirmation: I have time to lick (or peel) a stamp.

Coaching questions: Have you ever received a card that you’ve saved or remembered? What was significant about it? Is there someone you’d like to honor with a card or letter today? Do it!

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The Flow of Creativity

by Mershon Niesner

Harnessing your creative capacity can reduce your compulsion to consume–and enhance your joy in living. Quoted from an article by Dallas Hartwig and Pilar Gerasimo in Experience Life Magazine

We live in a society that promotes consumption–more things, more information, more experiences, more external approval. The more we consume, the less inclined we are to create; the less we create, the more inclined we are to consume. Creativity includes more than the obvious painting, writing, sculpting, etc. For you it may be creating an herb garden, cooking a meal, organizing a closet, or inviting friends to a book discussion.

Once we shut down the constant need to watch TV, play video games, shop, peruse social media and get into the flow of a creative pursuit, we will trigger a positive feedback loop that will inspire us to create more, leading to a greater sense of confidence and joy in our daily living.

Affirmation: I am creative.

Coaching requests: Identify a place where you mindlessly over-consume–TV, food, social media– then replace at least an hour of that time with a creative activity like writing in a gratitude journal, planting a succulent bowl, or making a new recipe. Improving your personal space also counts—like cleaning out a closet or decluttering the junk drawer.