Blog

Living Longer and Better

by Mershon Niesner

Each member knows that her friends count on her as much as she counts on her friends. Klazuko Manna, Moai group member, excerpted from Blue Zones newsletter

The Blue Zone project on longevity has proven that elders in Okinawa, Japan live extraordinarily better and longer lives than almost anyone else in the world. Moai, one of their longevity traditions, are social support groups they start in childhood and continue throughout their life…sometimes for nearly 100 years! Members  gather in these lifelong support groups daily or weekly.

Several years ago I started a similar group (we weren’t children but we were committed to meeting weekly) called Girl Talk God Talk. We became a true sisterhood. When I moved, I started another GTGT group which has quickly become as strong. I’ve maintained ties with my first group and know in my heart that any of my GTGT friends, whether near or far, would do anything for me….it’s a wonderful feeling.

Affirmation: I have support from friends.

Coaching question and suggestion: Do you have a group you can count on? If not, and would like to start one, contact me for information. A committed group that meets regularly not only brings you joy but possibly a longer, healthier life.

Music and Memories – In Honor of Aretha Franklin

by Mershon Niesner

Music does a lot of things for a lot of people. It’s transporting, for sure. It can take you right back, years back, to the very moment certain things happened in your life. It’s up-lifting. It’s encouraging. It’s strengthening. Aretha Franklin, American singer and songwriter, the Queen of Soul.

If we’re ever caught off guard and suddenly brought back to grief, a certain song is frequently the culprit. I was too young when my mother died for certain songs to be a trigger. Although I remember that my parents loved the album, My Funny Valentine. 

I do have a grief trigger song for my former husband, Keith, who died ten months after we were married. Our wedding song, The Prayer, was released March, 1999, our wedding was in October. We played the version sung by Andre Bocelli and Celion Dion…. “Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace, to a place where we’ll be safe.” Nearly twenty years later, this song still elicits happy as well as sad memories. Music, like smell, is a powerful memory stimulant.

Affirmation: I treasure my music memories.

Coaching questions: Are there songs that elicit memories of your loved ones? How do you respond when you hear them? 

Advice For The Ages

by Mershon Niesner

In your actions, don’t procrastinate. In your conversations, don’t confuse. In your thoughts, don’t wander. In your soul, don’t be passive or aggressive. In your life, don’t be all about business. Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor from 121 to 180 AD

For an ancient guy, Marcus gives us some good advice. Procrastination, confusion, unfocused thoughts and passive/aggressive behavior all keep us from being our best selves. I’m wondering what his experience was to cause him to say, “don’t be all about business.”

In our current 24/7 working environment where we walk around with a computer on our wrist or in our purse, it is tempting to be all about business. And yet, the conventional wisdom talks about how no one ever talks about business on their death bed. Dying people talk about relationships…those they love, those they want to forgive, and those they will miss most. 

Affirmation: I lead a balanced life.

Coaching questions: How’s your life balance? If there is room for improvement, what’s one thing you will change?

Tokens of Our Past

by Mershon Niesner

I have over five thousand costumes and props and cars, and I have a twenty-five thousand square foot warehouse full of memorabilia. Debbie Reynolds, actress

Unlike Debbie, I’m not a collector of stuff.  I do, however, always wear a diamond ring that belonged to my grandmother and my mother, both died in their 30’s, both were named Winnifred (my mom was called Winnie).

I wear the ring because I love it, because it keeps me connected to my ancestors, and it’s one of the few things I own that belonged to these lovely ladies. Twenty-five years ago I had all of my heirloom jewelry stolen. This ring survived because it was on my finger and I keep it there in fear of losing it. What special remembrance pieces do you value?

Affirmation: I honor my ancestors.

Coaching questions: Is there something that belonged to someone in your past that is especially meaningful to you? Why is it important? Take a moment to think about the connection.

Pen To Paper

by Mershon Niesner

What a lot we lost when we stopped writing letters (cards). You can’t reread a phone call (email/text). Liz Carpenter, writer, reporter, feminist

I’m one of those old fashioned people who still sends cards that require stamps. Judy, my creative friend, makes and sells custom-made cards. I send her a list of names each quarter and she mails me the beautiful, cards like those in the photo below.

Like Ms. Carpenter, I do like to reread, and occasionally save, special cards. I appreciate the time it takes to buy, address, stamp, and mail a card. The gift is in the effort every bit as much as it is in the message. Sympathy cards seem most important. In the midst of grief, calls are often forgotten (although they are important too), but cards can be treasured months later when the fog has lifted.

Affirmation: I have time to lick (or peel) a stamp.

Coaching questions: Have you ever received a card that you’ve saved or remembered? What was significant about it? Is there someone you’d like to honor with a card or letter today? Do it!

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The Flow of Creativity

by Mershon Niesner

Harnessing your creative capacity can reduce your compulsion to consume–and enhance your joy in living. Quoted from an article by Dallas Hartwig and Pilar Gerasimo in Experience Life Magazine

We live in a society that promotes consumption–more things, more information, more experiences, more external approval. The more we consume, the less inclined we are to create; the less we create, the more inclined we are to consume. Creativity includes more than the obvious painting, writing, sculpting, etc. For you it may be creating an herb garden, cooking a meal, organizing a closet, or inviting friends to a book discussion.

Once we shut down the constant need to watch TV, play video games, shop, peruse social media and get into the flow of a creative pursuit, we will trigger a positive feedback loop that will inspire us to create more, leading to a greater sense of confidence and joy in our daily living.

Affirmation: I am creative.

Coaching requests: Identify a place where you mindlessly over-consume–TV, food, social media– then replace at least an hour of that time with a creative activity like writing in a gratitude journal, planting a succulent bowl, or making a new recipe. Improving your personal space also counts—like cleaning out a closet or decluttering the junk drawer.

Don’t Try To Be A Superhero

by Mershon Niesner

The gradual losses experienced by caregivers can lead to sadness, depression, anger, guilt, sleeplessness and other physical and emotional problems. Family Caregiver Alliance Site

Caregivers are frequently referred to as heroes, even super-heroes. But they aren’t. Caregivers are not super-human or intended to be super-heroes. They are simply human beings doing their best to take care of someone they love whose brain is not working properly. Perhaps they may wish they had super powers or mystical abilities but to stay sane they must acknowledge that they can’t fix all the challenges that accompany a dementia diagnosis.

The Family Caregiver Alliance recommends that a caregiver identify her losses, her feelings about the losses and her corresponding grief. The Alliance also recommends keeping a journal or gratitude journal, attending support groups, and doing relaxation exercises. 

Affirmation: I take care of myself as I take care of another.

Coaching questions: Whether you are a caregiver or not, in what ways do you try to be a super-hero? How’s that working for you? If you are a caregiver, in what ways do you take care of yourself?

 

Living In the Season

by Mershon Niesner

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. Henry David Thoreau, American essayist, poet, philosopher, naturalist

Summer is winding down. Schools in my area start next week. My husband and I change our living location from Florida to Illinois in the summer in order to spend time with our adult kids and grands. We will culminate with two big family events this weekend then our mission will be accomplished. We have spent time with all six kids (three on my side, three on my husband’s side),  their spouses, and all 19 grands plus two great grands.

We have immersed ourselves in the season. Now we are now getting ready for a September trip then back to our home in Florida until next summer.

Affirmation: I live in each season.

Coaching questions: Have you done all you wanted to do this summer? What will you do with the time that remains? What does it mean to you to “live in each season?”

Your Brain Is Listening

by Mershon Niesner

Changing your mindset can change everything. Jen Sinero, author of You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life.

I include an affirmation with each blog post because I know they make a difference. Even if you don’t quite buy your affirming words, your brain believes them. For instance, Sinero, executive coach with the long book title above, suggests changing a message like, “I’m so nervous about this presentation” to “I’m so excited to be doing this.”

Affirm yourself with positive language. Not, “I hope I don’t get sick” but rather, “I am healthy.” Affirming yourself may sound hookey but, believe me, it will make a difference in your life because your brain is listening. 

Affirmation: My brain is listening, I know how to change my mindset.

Coaching requests: Think of one thing you want to change or attract into your life. Now, write a positive statement about this. Post your message on the bathroom mirror and repeat it out loud to yourself twice a day for a week.

Choose To Be Happy

by Mershon Niesner

Forty percent of our happiness, or lack thereof, is dictated by our genes, and about fifteen percent is by circumstances. That means you’re in control of about 40 to 45 percent, which is a lot. Dan Buettner, author of The Blue Zones of Happiness

Yesterday my daughters and I took their two youngest, Marcella and Sitara, both five, to Santa’s Village, a kiddie amusement park/petting zoo, for the day. At one of the girls’ first rides I noticed that Ken, the 60-ish ride operator, was extraordinarily happy as he welcomed each child to his ride, smiled and waved at them as they rode, said good-bye to each one as they left. We returned to Ken’s ride (it was a favorite) at the end of the day. I was hot and droopy but not Ken. He was still smiling and welcoming each child as they boarded.

Perhaps this is Ken’s retirement job and that’s why he seems to love it so….perhaps he is living off the meager income it provides. I have no idea but I do know that Ken has chosen to be happy and brighten the lives of little children and tired grandmas. Thanks, Ken.

Affirmation: I choose to be happy.

Coaching questions: In what ways do you choose to be happy? Who do you know that, despite their difficult circumstances, has chosen to be happy? In what way do they inspire you? If you are this person, know that you are inspiring others.

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