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Exercise Your Heart

by Mershon Niesner

There is no better exercise for the heart than to reach down and lift people up. John Andrew Holmes, author

This morning I will be hitting the gym in an effort to keep my body strong. Aerobic exercise is good for the heart but I believe Holmes is on to something also. Just as finding ways to physically exercise like parking in the back of the lot or taking the stairs, looking for opportunities to “lift people up” also strengthens the heart.

Sometimes you hear it in their hello and ask, “How are you really?” or you see it in the tension on their face. Watch for clues that will give you an opportunity to exercise your heart and make a difference in the life of another.

Affirmation: I lift people up.

Coaching questions: What have you done lately to lift another up? How did your heart feel? What will you do to create or be responsive to opportunities in the future?

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Be A Grandma Moses

by Mershon Niesner

You can accomplish incredible things no matter what stage of your life you are in. Shaquille O’Neal, retired American professional basketball player

One of the icons of accomplishing great things later in life is Anna Mary Robertson, commonly known as Grandma Moses (1860-1961). Grandma Moses was one of the most famous folk artists of the twentieth century.

When Moses’ husband died in 1927, she sought ways to keep busy in her grief, using art in her recovery. In her seventies, Moses devoted most of her time to painting. Moses won the Women’s National Press Club Award for her artistic achievements in 1949 and met with President Harry Truman while collecting her award. She created roughly 1,500 works of art.  It’s never too late to begin.

Affirmation: I can start something new.

Coaching questions: If your concept of age wasn’t an issue, what would you start? What difference would it make in your life? What’s keeping you from a new adventure?

I Will Never Forget You

by Mershon Niesner

Symbols are the imaginative signposts of life. Margot Asquith, Countess of Oxford and Asquith, socialite, author and wit.

Pink carnations have always been special to me because they were the flower spray selected by my dad to cover my mother’s casket.  I think they were randomly chosen perhaps because they are feminine or inexpensive. I doubt if my dad had any idea of their meaning.

As I finished reading The Language of Flowers, I discovered in the author’s Dictionary of Flowers at the end of the book, that pink carnations (Dianthus Caryophyllus) mean I will never forget you. I learned this just today after sixty four years of holding pink carnations precious just for that reason. In fact, the photo  below is me holding a pink carnation on Mother’s Day 2018.

Flowers and other symbols, colors, smells, songs…all of these things and more are sensory reminders that keep our memories and love alive.

Affirmation: I honor the symbols in my life.

Coaching questions: What symbols do you hold dear? What do they mean to you and why? How do you keep your memories alive?

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Conquering Our Fears

by Mershon Niesner

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela, former president of South Africa, anti-apartheid revolutionary, political leader, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Two days ago, we celebrated Nelson Mandela’s 100th birthday although he died in 2013. Mandela spent twenty seven years in prison, arrested for his fight against the white-only government that established apartheid, a system of extreme racial segregation in South Africa. He is widely regarded as an icon of democracy and social justice.

Frequently we think of folks who accomplish heroic deeds as fearless but my guess is, as Mandela suggests, these heroes are as afraid as the rest of us. The difference is they feel the fear and do it anyway. I read this line many years ago and have repeated it often to myself when I’m feeling unwarranted fear. It bears repeating….feel the fear and do it anyway.

Affirmation: I can triumph over my fears.

Coaching questions: What causes you unwarranted fear (some fear is positive of course–healthy fear keeps us alive)? Remember a time you conquered a fear.  How did you feel?

 

The Power of Flowers

by Mershon Niesner

Stretching his hand up to reach the stars, too often man forgets the flowers at his feet. Jeremy Bentham, English philosopher, jurist, and social reformer (1748-1832)

I’m truly enjoying first-time novelist, Vanessa Diffenbaugh’s, book, The Language of Flowers. This coming of age story is of a girl growing up in the foster care system and what happens to her as she “ages out.”  For me, much of the story’s beauty also lies in what she discovers to be the Victorian tradition of using flowers to communicate feelings and how this shapes her life.

The idea that each flower has a profound meaning–or several–fascinates me and enhances my lifelong love of flowers. I’ve always believed that purchasing flowers at the grocery store is as important to your health and well-being as buying broccoli.

Affirmation: I embrace the power, meaning, and loveliness of flowers.

Coaching questions: What do flowers mean to you? Consider what it would mean to accept the idea that flowers adorning your table are as important to your well-being as broccoli on your plate.

IMG_1842.jpgA hibiscus from my Marco Island, FL yard. The giver of this flower acknowledges the receiver’s delicate beauty. It also means perfect wife or woman.

Little Things Count

by Mershon Niesner

I think little things are more powerful because they’re more honest, so people feel them more strongly. Elizabeth Peyton, American painter

My daughter, Katie, makes lots of little things out of felt, selling some in a retail store but mostly at Tuscanycreative on Amazon and Tuscanycreative.etsy.com This morning she received an email from a customer who bought a set of small, felt animals from her (see below) a few months ago. Katie’s client gave the lion and tiger to her friend who was dying of cancer to remind her to fight. Her friend took them with her to the hospital each time she went. Before she friend died on June 14th, she requested to be cremated with her lion and tiger because they meant so much to her. Katie’s customer is now ordering two more sets, one for her friend’s sad mother and one for herself.

Little things count! Don’t discount the little gifts, cards, affirming comments or other small things you do for others–they may mean much more than you can imagine.

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Katie’s  Jungle Animal Stuffs Toys

Affirmation: I honor the little, thoughtful things people do for me.

Coaching questions: What is a small gesture or gift you received recently that meant something special to you? What small thing have you recently done for a friend or relative? What do these little things mean to you?

Embrace The Lemon

by Mershon Niesner

No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new Heaven to the human spirit. Helen Keller 

Is your glass half full or half empty? How do you respond to a horrible, awful, terrible day? What do you do with the sour lemons of your life—those events that aren’t fair, the personal failures, untimely deaths, when you see the scale suddenly going in the wrong direction? 

Learning how to make lemonade out of the lemons that inevitably show up in your life is the secret to joyful living. It doesn’t mean that you’ll be happy everyday, sipping away on a sugary refreshment, no! It means gradually squeezing out those sour lemons, adding some water and sugar to even out the bitterness, and overtime, creating something you can enjoy and share.

Affirmation: I know how to make lemonade.

Coaching questions: What are the lemons in your life? How do you cope with them? What’s one thing you can do to turn your pessimism into optimism so you too can discover the secret of the stars?

The Yearly Bucket List Oath

by Mershon Niesner

 I solemnly swear to create memories that last a lifetime. I vow to make an impression on the world, not the couch. I promise to dream about unrealistic goals, and make them my reality. Author unknown

I’ve been working through my Bucket List in the last few years and have checked a few off that I never dreamed would come true. Here’s a sample: Visit Paris (twice), swim with the dolphins, ride a dogsled on a glacier (see photo), go to cooking school in France (I went to one in Julia Child’s French home), take a grandchild on a trip (I took Tuscany to NYC), read over 50 books in a year (last year), help a stranger go to college (Rosie), make fresh pasta using no machines (cooking school in Italy), revisit childhood memories in Dubois, Wyoming. Writing a book wasn’t on my bucket list but it is an unrealistic goal that I plan to make into reality.

What’s on your bucket list? Deciding what you want, writing it down, sending it out into the Universe makes a difference. Trust me.

Affirmation: I believe in dreams.

Coaching questions: If you don’t have a Bucket List, what’s keeping you from making one? Write down at least three things you dream of doing. If you do have a list, add three things to it.

IMG_2629Dogsledding on Alaskan glacier.

So Happy To Have “Fraughters”

by Mershon Niesner

A daughter is just a little girl who grows up to be your best friend. Anonymous

I am blessed with two daughters and a son who I have had the privilege to see grow up. (I’m also delighted to have two step-daughters and a step-son but they came into my life fully grown.) As the first generation in three to have the opportunity to see my children into adulthood, I particularly treasure the time I have with my adult children. My mother and her mother didn’t live through their thirties so I’m relieved that my daughters are both in their forties. What a joy it is to have adult daughters who become “fraughters” — friends/daughters.

One of the take-aways of a daughter, like myself, who has experienced early mother loss, is the appreciation of being able to spend time with grown daughters.

Affirmation: I find joy in my grown children.

Coaching questions: If you have young children, what helps you overcome any anxiety about leaving them too soon? If your children are grown, how can you show gratitude that you made it this far in their lives?

IMG_0004My middle child, Katie, and I at my step-granddaughter’s wedding last night.

I Just Don’t Know What To Say

by Mershon Niesner

Who we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us. Helen Keller, American author, political activist, first deaf-blind person to earn a bachelor of arts degree

Helen Keller has the right idea when it comes to words of sympathy. Offering supporting words to friends who are in emotional pain due to the critical illness or death of a loved one can be fraught with peril. Saying things like, “she’s in a better place” or “everything happens for a reason” or “I know just how you feel,” can be hurtful to many. Telling your own Super Griever story is not helpful either. Sharing a memory of the loved one, showing concern for the caregiver/grieving person herself, or saying nothing at all but being present is good too.

Don’t let “not knowing what to say” keep you from being a comforting person in your friend’s life. Send a card or a text, show up with tacos, offer to take the dog for a walk or their kids to a movie. Don’t be afraid to say, “I just don’t know what to say.” Trust me, she’ll get your message.

Affirmation: I care about my friends.

Coaching questions: When you have experienced a loss, what was helpful and comforting to you? Give some thought right now about how you might respond to a grieving or completely overwhelmed friend. Your words and actions will be ready when you need them in the moment.