Blog

I Haven’t Given Up On You

by Mershon Niesner

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. Joseph Addison, English essayist, poet, playwright, and politician.

If you’re still not a reader, I haven’t given up on you. Studies show reading books improves cognitive function, working memory, and the ability to detect and understand other people’s emotions. If you think you don’t have time to read, consider how much time you spend watching television, playing computer games, scrolling through social media, or checking email. If you spend a lot of time traveling, try audiobooks. 

Here are a few suggestions for you—try it; you’ll like it!

  •  Favorite author—Pulitzer Prizer winner, Willa Cather – stories from the prairie
  • Audio book “candy” – Janet Evanovitch series, Calypso by Sidaris
  •  Currently listening to – The President Is Missing
  • Current Kindle book – The Good Thief, (just finished The Coffee Trader)
  • Just finished paperback – News of the World
  • Non-fiction – From Silk to Silicon, On Writing by Stephen King, A Mother Loss Workbook

Affirmation: Reading is life-changing.

Coaching questions: If you’re not a reader, what ’s keeping you away? Consider what you might be missing. If you are a reader, keep a journal of all the books you read, share books with friends and family, let others know about your passion for reading. 

A Tear To A Smile

by Mershon Niesner

Every human being must find his own way to cope with severe loss, and the only job of a true friend is to facilitate whatever method he chooses. Caleb Carr, American military historian and author

Yesterday, at John McCain’s memorial service in Arizona, former Vice President Joe Biden, who has known considerable personal loss, comforted the McCain family and friends by saying, “When a memory comes to mind and a smile crosses your face before a tear comes to your eye, you know you are healing.” 

Biden was assuring the gathered mourners that there is hope for recovery from their heart-breaking loss. His words comfort us all. Sometimes memories bring smiles AND tears. All our feelings are appropriate, of course, and we are fortunate if we have friends who honor our process.

Affirmation: I smile when I remember.

Coaching questions: Do memories of your mom bring smiles or tears? How do you measure your recovery progress? Acknowledge the friends who are/have supported you.

Heading Back to Kindergarten

by Mershon Niesner

I always was a weird child. My mother told me the story that, in kindergarten, I would come home and tell her about this weird kid in my class who drew only with black crayons and didn’t speak to other kids. I asked about it so much that my mother brought it up with the teacher, who said, “What? That’s your son.” John Waters, film director, screenwriter, author, actor, comedian

I have three granddaughters starting kindergarten this fall. I’ve only had a chance to speak with one, Marcella, but, based on that conversation, I want to go back to kindergarten. First, it’s now all day with no naps. I hated the nap part. No milk lunch. Thank goodness. Remember the smell of souring milk in the halls? It made me want to gag. Craft centers abound, although, I’m told they are of shorter duration than in pre-school. And, the best part, the teacher reads to you three times a day….in the morning, after lunch, and before you go home.

Learning shapes, numbers, letters, printing, how to sound out words is a small price to pay for all that crafting and reading. Sign me up!

Affirmation: I know how to go back to a simpler life.

Coaching questions: What is it about kindergarten you’d like to go back to? What’s one thing you can do to satisfy the inner-child in you today?

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Building Muscles

by Mershon Niesner

There are uses to adversity, and they don’t reveal themselves until tested. Whether it’s serious illness, financial hardship, or the simple constraint of parents who speak limited English, difficulty can tap unexpected strengths. Sonia Sotomayor, Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States

I believe the growth spurts of my life have been when adversity has reared its ugly head. At times the testing tapped into unexpected or latent strengths, as Justice Sotomayor suggests, and, at others, adversity created a Me who was stronger than before.

When I go to the gym, my exertion on the muscle building machines tears down my muscle so that when it repairs itself, it is bigger and stronger. I believe this is what happens when life brings us challenges. We are temporarily torn only to grow again,  stronger than ever.

Affirmation: I am strong.

Coaching questions: In what ways have you been tested? In what ways has the testing changed you?

No Regrets

by Mershon Niesner

Never regret a day in your life: good days give happiness, bad days give experience, worst days give lessons, and best days give memories. As seen on Facebook

The older I am, the less I regret any day. I can sense my days slipping away and I want to savor each and every one no matter what they bring. I’ve had my share of experience and lessons but mostly I’ve experienced days that created memories and happiness. I’m a fortunate woman.

How we frame the days of our lives…bad equals experience, worst equals lessons….makes a difference in our overall peace and joy. Each day is a gift, enjoy.

Affirmation: I never regret a day in my life.

Coaching questions: How do you frame your bad and worst, good and best days? What helps you stay in the present and embrace each day as a gift?

IMG_1061 A beautiful morning on Barfield Bay, Marco Island, Florida.

Rehearsing High-Pressure Moments

by Mershon Niesner

There are people who seem unflappable in chaotic and high-pressure moments: the unrealistic deadline, the hairpin coastal drive, the medical emergency. And then there are the rest of us. From an article by Elizabeth Millard in Experience Life magazine.

One of our dear friends, the pastor who married us, is having open heart surgery today. This is an intense scenario that could cause the calmest among us to freak out and motivated me to consider how we can best handle pressure situations.

According to positive-psychology researcher Michelle Gielan, author of Broadcasting Happiness: The Science of Igniting and Sustaining Positive Change, “Having certain strategies prepared in advance, when you’re not in a pressure situation, can be very helpful when those moments arrive.” In other words, she is suggesting we imagine easily merging into traffic, talking calmly with the boss, or learn all we can about a medical procedure to help calm our fears. I’m sure my friend found solace this morning in quiet prayer as well.

Affirmation: I can prepare for high-pressure moments.

Coaching questions: What causes you the greatest anxiety? What will you do to become more prepared?

Land of the Free – In memory of John McCain

by Mershon Niesner

We are living in the land of the free, the land where anything is possible, the land of the immigrant’s dream, the land with the storied past forgotten in the rush to the imagine future, the land that repairs and reinvents itself. Quote from The Restless Wave by John McCain, U.S. Senator and war hero (1936-2018)

Although John McCain was a self-proclaimed imperfect person, few can question his love and loyalty to the United States of America. The above quote is a good reminder of what patriotism looks like.

When my late husband, a decorated Viet Nam Veteran, visited Senator McCain…a man he revered… in Washington, McCain was welcoming, embracing veterans as comrades. Keith fondly remembered this encounter and never lost his respect for the man. How we treat others is how we are remembered….above our our fame or even our bravery.

Affirmation: I treat others with respect.

Coaching questions: Who do you know or have known that you consider a hero? Why do they deserve your accolades? How do you want to be remembered?

 

Oh No, It’s a Detour!

by Mershon Niesner

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. Anonymous

I’m one of those direction-challenged people who rarely know which direction is South. Detours put the Fear of God in me. I definitely don’t enjoy the scenery on a detour. 

I think the point of this quote, however, is about change. Can we remain happy as we encounter unexpected change in our life? How spontaneous can we be? Do we crumble when confronted with change or do we thrive? I’ve had much experience with change. Change I understand. I can navigate through change. Tell me to go three miles south then turn west….not so much.

Affirmation: I can enjoy the scenery of change.

Coaching questions: How do you handle change? Is your process working? What do you need to tweak in order to enjoy the scenery along the road of change?

The Paper Heart

by Mershon Niesner

The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not “get over” the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor should you want to. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, psychiatrist, pioneer in near-death studies and author of  On Death and Dying

I interviewed a 33-year-old woman today about her mother loss experience. She was 12 when her mother died. Articulate and introspective, the young woman was wise beyond her years. When I asked her about advice for other motherless daughters, she told me this story.

“When I was in second grade, my teacher used the illustration of a torn, red, paper heart to show us what it is like when we mistreat others. She then taped the heart back together and showed us how, even though the heart is whole again, the tear does not completely disappear. I think recovery from losing a mother at a young age is similar. You heal from your broken heart, but you are never quite the same, a part of the brokenness and sadness remains always.”

Affirmation: I can heal.

Coaching questions: How have you patched up your broken heart? How are you different because of your loss?

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Alexa To the Rescue

by Mershon Niesner

More than eight million adults age fifty and older are affected by isolation. AARP Bulletin

Isolation is different from loneliness. Isolation is when someone is physically or emotionally disconnected from friends, family and community. Loneliness describes how people perceive their situation. Prolonged isolation is a risk factor for poor health, an impact equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, according to a recent study.

AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) is experiencing with Alexa, voice-activated technology, to help alleviate isolation. Residents of retirement communities testing the device enjoy asking Alexa to tell them jokes, play certain music, give them the news, play audiobooks, or access the community calendar. Seek out someone you know who might be isolated and pay them a visit.

Affirmation: I’m blessed with community.

Coaching questions: If you live alone, how do you combat isolation and loneliness? Consider the future….how will you combat isolation? Developing interests, hobbies, and friends now will help you cope later.