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Re-writing Your Life

Never, never, never, never give up. Winston Churchill, British statesman

I’m doing a serious re-write of my book after it returned from three weeks in the hands of my capable editor. As I rethink the genre, the premise or through-line, the structure, I’m reminded of how this work is an analogy for re-writing one’s life after a significant loss. When your mother, husband, child or other significant person in your life dies, parts of your life need to be re-written. Perhaps you’re no longer defined as a care-giver or a partner and you’re wondering who you are and what you’re going to do without your former roles. 

Take a moment and reconnect with what you like and don’t like, how you see yourself in the future, and what contributions you want to make. Re-writing is not for the faint of heart. It takes perseverance, creativity, a determination to succeed and, in my case, prayer. Never, never give up.

Affirmation: I can re-write my life.

Coaching question/request: If you’re recovering from a recent loss, what steps are you taking to re-write your life? Take a moment to journal your thoughts on what’s next. Write about specific ways you can move forward—even if it is just for today or this week. 

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What Tickles Your Fancy?

It was the right atmosphere, right time, right place for waterbeds because that was a very creative era in San Francisco—Summer of Love and Jefferson Airplane and all that stuff. Charles Hall, inventor of the waterbed

We can’t be serious and introspective all the time. Some days it’s fun to celebrate insignificant things —like the 50th anniversary of the waterbed. Charles Hall was a graduate student in product design at San Francisco State University when he designed the waterbed as his graduate project in human comfort. He later brought them to South Florida where they really took off and now he’s bringing them back in a new, updated design. No, I’m not his ad agency,  I just think it’s interesting.

My son, Dan, wanted a waterbed so badly when he was a kid that he saved up and bought one. He brought the garden hose though his bedroom window and filled it up. He set the heater on high and the rest is blissful history. 

Affirmation: It’s just fine to be frivolous. 

Coaching questions: What’s a little story or bit of history that “tickles your fancy?” What do you do to move from a dark place to a place of light?  

Keep Your Bucket Full

An empty lantern provides no light. Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to shine brightly. Unknown

There’s a new children’s book out entitled Fill a Bucket by Carol McCloud and Katherine Martin. The idea is we all have an invisible bucket which holds good thoughts and feelings about ourselves. When someone does something nice for you, you do something nice for them, or you do something nice for yourself, you fill your bucket. 

I’ve used the bucket analogy as a Life Coach for years. I’d notice my client’s bucket was empty by how they sounded or what they said then I’d ask them, “What will you do this week to fill your bucket?” During the holiday season, it’s easy to deplete our own buckets while working hard to fill the buckets of others. This month, keep tabs on your bucket, notice when it’s getting low and either fill it yourself (a nap, a massage, a walk) or ask someone to help you fill it (please clean up the kitchen, take me to dinner, drop this off at the post office). As we fill the buckets of others, the joy in our buckets goes up but we need to watch the balance. 

Affirmation: I have a full bucket.

Coaching questions: How’s your bucket doing? Is it full or empty? What can you do this week to fill up your bucket? 

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Take a Moment to Appreciate Your Brain

Forgetfulness is a form of freedom. Kahill Gibran, Lebanese-American writer, poet.

How often do we say, I forgot….the keys, the sweater, the name, the birthday, the number? For most of us of a certain age, some forgetfulness is routine. But what about those whose past has slipped away, those whose last five minutes are gone? 

As I interviewed daughters for my book on mother loss, I found it particularly heart-rending when I talked to daughters who are losing or have lost their mothers to Alzheimer’s disease. One woman said, “My mother is lost but not gone.” This mother has forgotten her daughter and everyone else who was important to her yet she is still alive and may live for many more years. One daughter’s story exemplified Gibran’s quote. She said, “My mother used to have great anxiety and worry. As a result, she was often angry and depressed. Now, because of her dementia, she is free of worry and is experiencing joy.” This daughter knows her mother’s situation will worsen but in the meantime she is embracing the moment.

Perhaps you have lost or are losing your mother or other loved one to this terrible disease. I can’t imagine what pain you’re experiencing but I can stand beside you and support you through it.

Affirmation: My brain is alive and well.

Coaching question: What does your ability to think, remember, reason mean to you? Don’t take it for granted, be grateful.

1,000 Thank-Yous

When trying to go to sleep, instead of counting sheep, try counting things you’re grateful for— in alphabetical order. AJ Jacobs, author

Our national day of gratitude is behind us but I believe every day should be a day for giving thanks and AJ Jacobs, author of Thanks a Thousand, is just the guy to emulate. His book recounts his mission to thank every single person who played a part in making his morning coffee, over 1,000 people. His journey took him from coffeeshop barista to the Colombian coffee farmer to the lid designer. Oh, he also thanked the lady from pest control who kept the bugs out of the coffee warehouse. 

It’s a fact that showing gratitude is good for our physical and mental health. Studies show keeping a gratitude journal helps patients in their recovery and health-care workers’ stress levels decline by an average of 28 percent. We humans are naturally negative. Spreading gratitude is a way to make the world a better place. 

Affirmation: I’m grateful.

Coaching questions: Who have you thanked personally today? What difference does it make when someone thanks you? Think of someone who rarely receives appreciation and thank them.

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Gratitude at the Farmer’s Market

Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul. Henry Ward Beecher, Clergyman, social reformer.

Yesterday I visited the Farmer’s Market and it reminded me of the many things for which I’m thankful. I had the chance to pet a brand new kitten…what’s more precious than the innocence of animals? There were flowers, lots of flowers and pots of herbs. Colorful, fresh fruits and vegetables for healthy eating. I enjoyed a cup of really good coffee. There was live music. I met fellow writers and a friend at the author’s booth selling books. 

There were French pastries, beautiful breads, stuffed grape leaves, cheese. Booths selling handmade jewelry and photography. I met a family from Connecticut who were visiting. I’m thankful for meeting new people and the tourists who help support our island. The sun was shining, a breeze was blowing. Upon returning home, my sweet husband helped me carry my treasurers up the stairs. Today, as I write this, I’m thankful for you, my followers and viewers. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Affirmation: I have many, many blessings. 

Coaching request: Take a moment to list some of the things for which you’re grateful. Say thanks to those who mean the most to you. Live a life filled with gratitude. 

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A Sign of Hope

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity. Martin Luther King, American Baptist minister and leader in the civil right movement. 

Last night we went to an ecumenical Thanksgiving service. Catholic, Protestant, and Jewish clergy led the service. It was held at the Jewish Congregation of Marco Island. Yesterday I blogged about hope, then I felt it at this service. People of diverse faiths worshipping together, enjoying each other’s company, like-minded in their love of God and country. In addition to songs of thanksgiving, we sang God Bless America. 

This assemblage was hope personified. Hope that we can embrace the different, come together to give thanks, and show love and appreciation for our country and the world-at-large. I’m thankful for this sign of hope! 

Affirmation: My hope is forever renewed.

Coaching questions: Where have you recently experienced hope? In what ways do you demonstrate hope to others? 

Grab A Life Preserver

By showing up with hope to help others, I’m guaranteed that hope is present. Then my own hope increases. By creating hope for others, I end up awash in the stuff. Anne Lamott, American novelist and non-fiction writer.

When our world looks bleak and we feel like we’re drowning in grief, pain, regret, or anger, sometimes we must rely on hope to get us through. Tightly hugging hope to your chest is a way to stay on top of what has/is happening in your world. 

Like a life preserver works in the water, hope can keep your head above the surface as you tread or gradually swim towards the shore of recovery. Hope can come from friends, family, faith, or even your pet. 

Affirmation: I’m always hopeful.

Coaching questions: What do you need to be hopeful about? Where do you find hope?

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Editing Your Life

Good or bad, change is a foray into the unknown. Bahram Akradi, CEO of Life Time Fitness.

We all know that change is part of the human experience. We deal with change everyday whether it is in our relationships, our body, our environment, or our attitude. The world is constantly in a state of change. You’d think we’d have it figured out by now but change is frequently difficult.

The manuscript for my book is due back today from the editor. All the hard work I put into writing what I thought were the best sentences, paragraphs, profound thoughts and snappy conversation will be in question. Well not all of it I hope, but editing is about helping an author create their best piece of work. I’m ready for the change suggestions that I know are coming. Will it be easy? No! It’s the most difficult part of being a writer. Will I get through it? Yes, because I’m committed to making a difference and doing my best work. 

Affirmation: I can make changes.

Coaching questions: What needs “editing” in your life? What changes will it bring about? Will you make them? 

You’re A Princess Too

Always know that in every girl there is a princess with the strength of a warrior. Unknown 

It’s National Princess Day…who knew? I’m encouraging each of you to celebrate the Princess inside you. Perhaps you shine because you give the gift of humor and laughter. Maybe you show your royal nature by doing acts of kindness or you’re a bold, confident, warrior princess modeling what it’s like to take on a challenge and succeed.

Princesses aren’t just about beauty, pretty dresses and finding a Prince. They are strong,  smart and confident. Whatever type of Princess you are, step into your light and shine. 

Affirmation: I am a Princess.

Coaching questions: How will you show up as a Princess today? What are your royal gifts? 

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