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Thank A Farmer

by Mershon Niesner

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven…a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted. Ecclesiastes 3:2, The Bible

I grew up in Nebraska and I’m still a Nebraska girl at heart. Although my ancestors were country doctors, boot makers, lumberyard owners, I have a deep love and respect for the land and farmers. Prior to moving to Florida, we lived on the edge of Illinois farmland and I felt a part of the planting, sprouting, growing, harvesting seasons and saw the farmers working the fields into the night at harvest time.  

Today is National Farmer’s Day and an opportunity to pay tribute to all farmers throughout American history. I have the utmost respect for our farmers in today’s highly technical yet labor intensive and unforgiving industry. Thank a farmer today for putting food on your table.

Affirmation: I appreciate farmers.

Coaching request: Take a moment to consider the food in your pantry and refrigerator and what it took to plant, grow, and harvest the wheat to make your bread. Consider the birthing of calves, gathering of eggs, or feeding of chickens. Consider the back breaking job of picking your lettuce or broccoli. Be grateful.

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Overcoming Hatred and Anger

by Mershon Niesner

One of the greatest lessons of my own life was learning to turn the inner rampage of hatred and anger toward my own father for his reprehensible behavior and abandonment of his family into an inner reaction more closely aligned with God and God-realized love. Wayne Dyer, American philosopher, self-help author, and motivational speaker

Sometimes the quote says it all. This is one of those stand-alone quotes that expresses the results of a lifetime of inner work and faith. Accepting and recognizing the reality of devastating behavior but choosing to not live a life filled with hatred and anger is a difficult  transformation. 

Daughters who were abandoned by their mothers frequently had a more difficult recovery than those whose mothers died. The “One Purpose” loss, as I call it, is devastating to a daughter’s self esteem and personal growth. And yet…like Dyer, I spoke with many women who had not only recovered but thrived after getting past their anger, sadness, disappointment, or hatred. 

Affirmation: I can overcome.

Coaching questions: What negative experience and bad feelings are you hanging onto? What’s a step you can take to let go of the negativity without excusing the behavior? What difference will living in a more loved-filled space make in your life?

Getting Help When You Need It

by Mershon Niesner

It’s called a mental illness for a reason, because it is an illness. Why can’t it be accepted like any other illness? HealthyPlace.com

Today is World Mental Health Day which began in 1992 as a way to bring awareness to mental health issues and advocate for mental health education around the world. The theme this year is “Young People and Metal Health in a Changing World.” According to the World Health Organization, half of all mental illness begins by age 14 which makes this year’s theme particularly appropriate.

Many of the daughters I interviewed for my book who had experienced trauma around their mother loss experience, were wise enough to seek professional help. Whether you talk with your pastor, a counselor, or therapist, don’t let the perceived stigma around seeking help hold you back. Those people who want to be the best they can be seek help to obtain their goals. People with mental health issues, especially young people, need our respect and encouragement. I am forever grateful to the professionals who helped me in the past. 

Affirmation: I take care of my mental health. 

Coaching questions: Do you have an emotional or psychological issue or mental illness you can’t seem to overcome or work out by yourself? If you do, today is the day to make an appointment with a professional to help you move forward.

On Being Hopeful

by Mershon Niesner

By showing up with hope to help others, I’m guaranteed that hope is present. Then my own hope increases. By creating hope for others, I end up awash in the stuff. Anne Lamott, author, quote taken from National Geographic magazine, October 2018

With all that’s going on in the world and under my nose, it is harder than ever to be filled with hope. And yet, I remain hopeful most of the time—-I hope this is true for you also. I’ve interviewed over fifty daughters who have lost mothers as children, been abandoned, their mothers murdered or lost to Alzheimer’s, yet each one spoke to me with the hope that their tearful story will make a difference in the life of another. If they had not yet recovered from their trauma or grief, they were all hopeful that eventually they would be joy-filled again.

We remain hopeful because even though most of us have been through devastating times before, we know our friends, family, faith, and the healing properties of time helped us to move forward. And, as Lamott says, “By showing up with hope to help others, hope is present.” As we reach out, hope flows in. 

Affirmation: I am hopeful.

Coaching question: If you’re feeling hopeless, what’s one thing you can do to regain your hopefulness? (visit an elderly neighbor, volunteer at a school or hospital, help register voters, write a thank you note to someone who has been kind, walk in nature)

Ever Considered Fasting?

by Mershon Niesner

Periodic fasting can help clear up the mind and strengthen the body and the spirit. Ezra Taft Benson, American farmer, Secretary of Agriculture under President Eisenhower, religious leader

Japanese cell biologist Yoshinori Ohsumi won the Nobel Prize in Medicine in 2016 for his research on how cells recycle and renew their content, a process called autophagy. “Why should I care about this?” you’re asking. Because motherless daughters—early loss daughters and daughters who have/had mothers with dementia in particular— are frequently concerned with their health and longevity. 

Ohsumi’s research shows that fasting activates autophagy and autophagy has a role in protection against inflammation, cancer, and in diseases like dementia and Parkinson’s. So, whether you simply fast from 7 pm to 7 am or take on a bigger challenge like 4 pm to 7 am or go to periodically eating two meals a day, fasting is something you might want to consider. 

Affirmation: I try new things to improve my health.

Coaching questions: If you’ve fasted in the past, what was the outcome? If this is a good time in your life to bump your fasting up to a new level, today is a good day to start. 

P.S. Fasting also aids in weight loss. 

Building Your Resiliency Muscle

by Mershon Niesner

The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived. Robert Jordan, American author

Whether you’re recovering from the loss of your mother or another loved one, it’s times like these you must draw on your ability to be resilient. Resiliency is the capacity to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, or extreme stress. I found daughters who demonstrated resilience generally had these six traits in common. In addition, many resilient daughters called on their faith in God to sustain them.

1. The ability to sustain supportive relationships with family and friends.

2. A strong self-image and confidence in their strengths.

3. The ability to accept change as a part of living and didn’t see crisis as     insurmountable. 

4. Good communication and problem solving skills.

5. Practiced healthy self care.

6. Built on their past experiences and trusted that what they had survived made them stronger.

Another way to build resiliency is to anticipate difficult times like holidays, birthdays, THE anniversary, weddings. Acknowledging your feelings of sadness during these special times will help you move forward. 

Affirmation: I am resilient.

Coaching questions: If you’re just learning to flex your resiliency muscle, what traits do you need to work on? What will you do today to build resiliency for the future?

Get Out And Play

by Mershon Niesner

We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw

It’s time for me to go out and play! Yesterday I had my annual mammogram then a crazy driver nearly killed me on the way home. Today I’m going to watch my beloved college football team probably loose (yet again) after sweating at the gym and grocery shopping. In addition, I’m reading a very interesting book, The Plant Paradox, which is about the hidden dangers in healthy foods (most of the stuff I eat) that cause disease and weight gain. Yikes!

Next week looks much better with several fun, playful things planned. Thank goodness! Do you ever get in that place where you feel yourself aging by the minute? Perhaps it’s because you have stopped playing.

Affirmation: I will have fun and play.

Coaching questions: What do you do for fun? How does it rejuvenate you? What will you do for fun today?

Thank a Teacher Today

by Mershon Niesner

When the untapped potential of a student meets the liberating art of a teacher, a miracle unfolds. Mary Hatwood Futrell, educator, activist, and public education reformer.

For an estimated 264 million kids worldwide who should be in school and aren’t, the miracle of full potential may not have the opportunity to unfold. Teaching is one of the most critical, yet under-appreciated, professions. 

On this World Teacher Day, I’m celebrating my favorite teacher, my daughter, Katie, shown with me below. She’s a “Kid Whisperer,” one of those people to whom kids gravitate and she’s an inspiring teacher. In the past, Mrs. Vincent, my third grade teacher, made a difference in my life. She was creative and instilled a love of learning—and, she chose me to play, Pansy, a bridesmaid in the class play. 

Think of a teacher who made the most profound difference in your life, the one who inspired you to think, to question, to imagine. If possible, send them a note or give them a call to say thank you .

Affirmation: I appreciate those who have taught me through the years.

Coaching questions: Are you being called to help educate children? If you are, call today and volunteer at your local school or become a teacher. It is a rewarding experience you won’t regret. Do you know an teacher? Thank them today.

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Tacos Anyone?

by Mershon Niesner

Surround yourself with tacos, not negativity. Quote from Borracha Mexican Cantina website

Today is National Taco Day and I thought I’d celebrate by lightening up this blog a bit. You can only write/read about dead moms, dementia, and cancer for so long or, believe me, it will get to you. The name of this blog, however, is motherloss so sometimes I do have to stick with the program.

What’s your favorite taco? I personally love fish tacos served with a yummy lime-cilantro crema. I make it with mayonnaise, sour cream, scallions, lime, garlic, and cilantro. I think that combination of ingredients would probably be good on just about anything. Just Google fish tacos with crema for the recipe. 

So, have a taco today with salsa, crema, guacamole, or any other great toppings and take a break from what’s going on “out there.” (I’m going to take my own advice)

Affirmation: I will surround myself with tacos.

Coaching questions: What kind of tacos are you having tonight? Can I come over?

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Don’t Forget About Me

by Mershon Niesner

I want to tell you how much I miss my mother. Bits of her are still there. I miss her most when I’m sitting across from her. Candy Crowley, CNN Chief Political Correspondent

Alzheimer’s is a cruel, cruel disease. The entire family suffers. Interviewing daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to this horrible disease has taught me much. Early-onset Alzheimer’s and other early dementias are particular horrific.

 I had the honor to interview, Allie, a young daughter whose mother started showing signs of Alzheimer’s at age forty seven, Allie was eleven. This is a portion of a poem Allie wrote while she was her mother’s part-time caregiver for six years.

Allie is now a successful college student and her mother is in memory care. 

Don’t You Forget About Me

I cannot say the words, they are too hard to say

I rue the moment that I fade, the memories went away

I had a beautiful mom whose mind went one day

I had a mom who was too sick to stay

I blame the disease that stripped her that way

I hate that I won’t see her on my wedding day

Affirmation: I care about the suffering of others.

Coaching questions: If you are a care-giver of someone with dementia, in what ways are you taking care of yourself? How can you reach out to others for support? Write a poem or a letter or draw a picture to help release some of your emotions.